Ask the Crossing of the Paths Characters
MMM: Hey everybody, welcome to the first episode of Ask the Crossing of the Paths Characters! Unfortunately, I don't have any fancy-schmancy graphics or sprites for this column, so you'll have to enjoy it on in standard site graphics settings. Doesn't mean it'll be any less funny though! Just like any other standard column, this one is designed to stretch for 20 episodes with 10 episodes. Also, this column can be used for both serious questions about the fanfic as well as humor. If you want a serious answer, make sure to say so in your submission, otherwise we'll be silly! So, without delay, let us begin!
*Curtains open, the characters are all in their seats.*
Lightest: For the love of all things Holy MMM, how long has it been since you vacuumed this studio? *clings to his chair, looking down at the floor in terror*
Darkest: Complain all you want, I think it adds a rustic feeling! *rests feet on top of what appears to be the body of a dead raccoon*
MMM: It's true, I sorta rushed the prep on this wing of the studio in order to be ready in time for filming. Starting new columns can be pretty hectic you know.
Lightest: At the very least, please do something about the rat infestation!
MMM: Yeah yeah, quiet you! It's time for our first submission! It's from:
Torcher
This question is for mewtwo:
Is the triforce bigger then a breadbox?
Mewtwo: Well, it depends on which of its forms you mean. When all three pieces have just been reunited, the whole thing is pretty big, with the side lengths of the triangle being several feet. When it chose me to be its guardian at the end of the story, it shrank down to about 4 inches or so equilateral. Each of the three pieces by themselves is even smaller, at about 1 centimeter equilateral.
MMM: Hmm, that was nice and informative yes, but where's the funny?
Mewtwo: Unless the Triforce has some super-secret transforming robot mode that nobody knows about, then there isn't any funny.
Kalana: Besides, it's blasphemy to make fun of the powers of the Goddesses.
MMM: Religions; they are serious business.
Darkest: Hmm, I'm hungry. *picks up the dead raccoon and eats it*
Lightest: *turns green at the sight of it*
*Everyone in the room stares at Darkest in disgust*
Darkest: Hey, don't stare at me like that! It was more useful as food than a footrest!
MMM: Your fortitude score must be pretty high, Darkest.
Mewtwo: D&D References already? This column is doomed.
Darkest: Hey, it may have not been too fresh compared to what I normally eat, but a corpse is a corpse!
MMM: I don't think I'll pursue this line of inquiry any farther. Thanks for the submission, Torcher! Here's the next one from:
ZephyrAnalea
Kalana: How much hair gel does the average Gerudu use? Those are some wacky hairstlyes.
Lightest: Is it hard for you to sleep on your back with those wings?
Darkest: Hypothetically speaking, what exact trajectory would a fangirl need in order to glomp you without getting impaled on a horn/spike/spine/claw/glowingenergythingymabob? Hypothetically, of course, not like this would actually happen...
Mewtwo: Want to come over for a sleepover? I just finished crocheting a new blanket you could use
serious: Mewtwo: Do things always fly around when you sneeze?
*HIT THE DECK!*
Kalana: Not too much actually, considering magic is much more effective for the task.
Lightest: Actually, I can dematerialize my wings and store them in a little extradimensional pocket whenever I need to. It's quite convenient!
Darkest: Even if such a theoretical trajectory existed, I would adjust my own position in order to inturrupt said theoretical glomp with my spines.
Mewtwo: If not for my irrational fear of frightening fangirls, I might have taken you up on that offer. But the prospect of being glomped endlessly for an entire night without pause is rather unpleasant.
Darkest: Well, we can agree on one thing, we don't like being glomped.
Mewtwo: Ah, I don't know what kind of virus it was that I got, but apparently it affected my ability to control my own powers as well. It was the only time I ever had that happen to me when I was sick.
MMM: Informative! Thanks for the submission Zeph! Here's another one from:
ZeldaGamer69
Hey MMM, I finally got around to reading some of your story, as requested! Here's a submission:
Mewtwo: Kalana latched onto your tail stronger than a Like-like eats a Hylian shield! That looked highly unpleasant! My question is, what would you do if it happened again?
Kalana: Why do you feel the need to latch onto whatever's closest to you during sleep? Is it some sort of pathological need to cuddle?
Ruru: What was it like being a mindless servant for Darkest's Empire for so long? Did he torture you first, or was it just cut and dry mind control and hard labor?
Darkest: Why didn't you destroy the Gerudos? They have obviously been living off of your empire like leeches for ages, and it IS within your power to wipe them out, right? *wry smile*
Red Elder: What is the strongest magic spell you know? Why haven't you used it to destroy one of those wretched energy draining towers yet?
That's all I can think of for now, I'll be back with more questions as I keep reading!
~ZG69
Mewtwo: Yes, it was less than pleasant. And come to think of it, I'm not sure what I would do if it happened again. Kalana is a very heavy sleeper, so I guess I can just hope that if it does happen again, I'll have access to a bucket of cold water or something equally useful.
Kalana: Hey, I don't cling to things all the time! Only when I'm having nightmares! It's called a primal fear response.
Mewtwo: I didn't think it was fight, flight, or cuddle.
Kalana: I blame childhood trauma of some kind.
Mewtwo: Most people do.
Ruru: My memories of that time are kinda fuzzy, but that's because I've been gradually repressing them over time. There was definitely alot of pain, but it wasn't as bad since I was under the mind control.
Darkest: *whispering* Note to self: Let prisoners savor the pain before putting them under mind control.
Ruru: *smacks Darkest*
Darkest: Ack! Hmph, well now I sort of wish I had destroyed them. The reason Iet them live was that it was entertaining for me to watch them suffer on in near starvation and poverty out on the desert. It's a standard reason for me not to destroy anything right away, I want to savor their suffering first.
Hadara: My strongest spell is 'Firestorm Wrath', which can melt steel into slag. I haven't used it against the empire however, mainly because it would draw their massive armies to attack us in a matter of days, and we wouldn't stand a chance.
MMM: Once more, this was very informative but lacked funny. You guys are forcing me to press the randomizer button!
Mewtwo: That can't be good.
MMM: *pulls out a little remote control, presses the big red button*
*A plot hole opens up in the cieling, and Shadow the Hedgehog drops out*
Shadow: BEHOLD FOOLS! I bring you chaos and destruction!
Darkest: Yay! My two favorite things!
Shadow: *produces a gigantic realistic looking duck, which has a pull pin like a grenade sticking out of its back*
MMM: Oooh, this will be interesting!
Shadow: WABBAJACK! *pulls the pin, and the giant duck explodes into a huge cloud of smaller ducks, which rain down on everyone in the room*
Darkest: Well, I see the chaos, but where's the destruction? *duck bites his nose* Oooh, dere it is!
Lightest: Ewww! Feathered fowl are breeding grounds for parasites! Getemoffgetemoffgetemoff! *frantically bats at the falling ducks*
Mewtwo: After working in different columns for so long, I'm really quite used to this stuff. *lightly brushes ducks off of head*
MMM: Thank you for your services Shadow, you may be on your way now.
Shadow: But I wanna stay! *puppy eyes*
MMM: Too bad! *pulls a cloth cord, oubliette opens underneath Shadow*
Shadow: *holds up a sign that reads 'uh-oh', falls into pit*
MMM: Thanks for the submission ZG! Here's the next one from:
ZephyrAnalea
Here's one for Kitty:
Did you ever get sand stuck in your fur during your time in the desert?
Kalana:
I envy you. You got to hug Mewtwo. Was he cuddly?
Another for Kitty:
Cookies.
Ditto:
Were there mosquitoes in the Lost Woods?
Mewtwo: oh yes, all the time. It itched andirritated me something aweful! And the lack of water out in the desert meant I couldn't bathe to get any of it out either.
Kalana: It's one of the many things you have to get used to when you live your entire life out in a desert.
Mewtwo: Yeah, I had to readjust to being clean after I stopped living in the desert after the whole Darkest ordeal was over with. The plus side is, after living with a tribe of people who never bathed, I never noticed how much humans stank afterwards!
Kalana: If you're referring to the time I clamped onto his tail when I was asleep, then no I don't remember. I only know about it because he told me about it after I woke up. I have hugged him other times though, and he was definitely soft and cuddly.
Mewtwo: Oh geez. *slaps forehead*
MMMM: *points, laughs*
Mewtwo; *ignores MMM* Well, thanks for the cookie! *eats* There weren't that many bugs in the Lost Woods, at least that I can remember. I was only there for an hour or two before I set off towards Hyrule Castle, so I may have missed the prime mosquitoing hours.
MMM: That makes sense I guess. Thanks for the submission Zephyr!
(THIS EPISODE IS UNFINISHED! HELP TO FINISH IT BY SENDING IN A SUBMISSION!)
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