Chapter 1
MMM: Well, sorry to tell you guys this, but Episode 1 of this column got deleted and is lost forever! So now this will officially act as episode 1. Here are our stats: 10 question submissions per episode, 20 episodes total, making for 200 submissions answered. Shall we get the disclaimer over with?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own FFX or anything related...but if Yuna sold me her old costume I could sell it on E-Bay for enough money to buy rights to FFX! Yay E-Bay!
MMM: Here we go! Our first submission is from:
Tigerlily
(big note: Stop being mean to Kimahri! Making him talk won't help cause he probably doesn't like to talk and he only talks when he needs to! He is an outcast by his tribe....why you ask? Cause horn been cut off by his evil mean two brothers! After that he take care that poor girl, Yuna, he protects her for his sake! Sorry Blue Lucied...)
Kimari:*hugs him*
*to guys that has pink on them or not* I think the fangirls are really mean to you... I'm sorry I don't like girls who do that cruelty mean!
Yuna: You're really nice girl I respect that.
Rikku: Same goes to you but, I think stealing is wrong...unless you're not stealing from poor people and from uhh but, you could steal bad guys money instead.
Auron: You look like Kuroki Kaze from Final Fantasy: Umlimited although his weapons are guns.
Thanks and a nice holiday! ^_^
MMM: I think that Kimahri's silence has been an excellent source of randomness for this Column! I find no problem with BL and Brygi picking on Kimahri as long as they don't actually flame him as a character.
Kimahri: ........
Tidus: Sometimes people get a little excited, that's all that happened. Besides, no harm done! Auron, Seymour and I managed to get to the showers in time to wash the pink out of our clothes. Kimahri on the other hand, his fur is going to be pink for a long time.
MMM: Hehehe...Kimahri got his fur dyed pink!
Yuna: Thank you. I pride myself on humility, honesty, and integrity.
Rikku: The Al Bhed have always been stealing from rich people, mainly the Yevon Priests who hoard all the money. We never steal from other poor people.
Auron: It's always been said that every FF stands alone, but I've always been suspicious about connections between the games....
MMM: *Gasps* Auron's a Conspiracy Theorist!
Auron: I never said that! I said that I was just a bit suspicious!
MMM: Sure....Conspiracy Theorist!
Auron: *Sighs in frustration*
MMM: *Laughs* Ok ok, sorry. Thanks for that submission Tigerlily! Here's the next one from:
Brygi63
I know what will get Kimahri to talk. Alright, Kimahri. If you don't tell me how to do the Lancet move, I will end up being more annoying than Tidus (and while I'm on a caffeine rush right now, that is very probable).
Lulu: is Voodoo really how you sorceresses cast those spells? I thought that form of sorcery was against Yevon traditions. And, do you know anything about necromancing?
Rikku: are you single?
Wakka: where are you from? You look sort of Oriental but talk like a Jamaican.
Seymour: *turns Seymour's hair into a big, blue afro* Lol just wanted to add some randomness to my submission.
All right. I'm outta here. If Kimahri still doesn't talk, then...there's nothing I can do for you.
Kimahri: ..........
MMM: His is truly the Iron Will...
Tidus: Hey, that's my line!
Kimahri: *Remains silent while making a 'Bring it on' gesture*
Lulu: Voodoo is my personal preference for magic, but not all sorceresses use it. And no, Yevon says nothing against Voodoo.
Rikku: Do you think I would dress the way I do if I were married? *Scoffs*
Wakka: What're you talkin' about man? I'm 100% Bisaidian!
Seymour: Hey, this is rather suiting! *Feels his new hair* Light weight yet vast! Perfect!
MMM: Finally Seymour finds an almost tolerable hairstyle! Thanks for the help there Brygi! Here's the next one from:
Tigerlily
Kimahri: To Kimarhri *uses her jutsu and touches his arm while performing her jutsu and his fur color stays normal bule*
Yuna: I like that Ixion you have summoned it looks really pretty and cool! ^_^
Auron: Hmmm you also look like the guy from FF7.
Seymour: Um how did get your vains on your face I know I ask that question but some people didn't answear my question...*looks at Auron, Tidus, and then Seymour*
Lulu: Which Moogle you like best your Voodoo Doll Moogle or the FF: Tactics Advance Moogle.
Tidus: You don't mind Lulu's Voodoo doll do you?
Kimahri: ........
Yuna: Ixion was one of my personal favorites, but they were all so neat!
Auron: It seems like that person from FF7 is very widely modeled after...
Seymour: Those are natural Guado markings, every Guado has his/her own unique set of body markings, and it just so happens that mine are rather prolific.
Lulu: The only distinctions I make between my moogles are the ones that are the most effective. Their appearances aren't as important as their battle effectiveness.
Tidus: Naw, Lulu's always been like that. You get used to it.
MMM: Sometimes life demands that you adapt a bit. *Rolls his eyes* But thanks for the submission Tigerlily! Here's the next submission from:
Zephyr Analea
Lulu: can you really do voodoo with that doll of yours? if you can, couldja
make Tidus fall in a ditch, please?
Yuna: Which of the eons is your favorite?
Kimhari: has anyone ever told you you look like a cute lil blue puppy? ^-^
Auron: i think FFIX and FFII are linked somehow, y'know, with Vivi in IX,
and all those lil Black Mages in II......they all look identical. do you
think there's sumthin goin on there?
Seymour: aren't you sposed to be dead? wow.......talkin to a
ghost.......freaky........
~Zephyr Analea
Lulu: Yes yes, how many times have I said it? I do voodoo! And if you really want me to do that, ok ok. *Throws a Tidus shaped Moogle in a miniature ditch*
Tidus: *Flies up in the air and out the door*
MMM: What about the ditch?
Lulu: It doesn't look to me like there's a ditch here in the studio...
MMM: I see...
Yuna: Hmmmm.....it's either Ixion or Bahamut.
Kimahri: .....
Auron: I've always thought there have been secret connections between the FF games....but concrete proof has always been elusive....
Seymour: MMM here has always been quite thrifty with the resurrection magic. But he only agreed to bring me back just to participate in this column.
MMM: Hehehe, yep. Thanks for the submission Zephyr! Here's the next one from:
Brygi63
Yuna: your attitude is said to have a big turnaround in FFX-2. What's with the new view on things? And where did you learn to shoot like that?
Do any of you guys know martial arts? I know some, but I've kinda slacked off a bit.
Lulu: you look like you need some pudding. *gives Lulu a bowl of pudding and a spoon*
Wakka: why is machina illegal in Yevon's teachings?
Seymour: the 2nd time you fight Tidus and the other guys you transformed into this weird shiny-looking spirit. What were you supposed to be? The Angel of Death?
Auron: Wow! That is a really big sword!
Kimahri: how do you do the Lancet move? If you don't tell me this time, I'll open up a warp gate and send Mary Poppins through. I shall not be denied!
Okay, see ya later! And, although you didn't get as many submitters as you did in Fanfiction.net, you still have a good site, Triple M
Yuna: Well, the trauma of Tidus' death was what caused that phase. And I suppose being around Rikku and the other Al-Bhed long enough was enough to let me master marksmanship.
MMM: I think for a guy who hasn't played FFX-2 at all, or even beaten the first one, the Author did a fine job making up that answer don't you?
Auron: I've trained in four different kinds of deadly arts. I could kill you before you even knew I was in the same room as you.
Tidus: I had one month of training in the 'Wee Kidee's Martial Arts Group' when I was five, but nothing else.
*Everyone else is silent for a few moments*
Lulu: *Pokes pudding with the spoon* What exactly is in this stuff? I'm not exactly eager to eat something of this brown color and gloppy consistency.
Wakka: Machina is illegal because........because......Yevon tells us so! Yeah, that's it! Yevon tells us so!
Seymour: I wasn't the angel of death, but I was definitely aiming to cause some death. I had died in my first battle with them after all, hadn't I?
Auron: *Coughs*
Kimahri: .................
*Everyone pleads with Kimahri to speak so as to avoid the woman second only in annoyance to Barney*
Kimahri: ....................
*Plot hole opens courtesy of Brygi and Mary Poppins flies out on an umbrella*
Mary Poppins: Just a teaspoon of sugar makes the medicine go down!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Mary Poppins: Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious!
Lulu: *Nukes Mary Poppins with Fire Spell*
*Everyone cheers and lifts Lulu on their shoulders while singing "She's a Jolly Goodfellow"*
Kimahri: ...................
MMM: What a rock. I can't believe Mary Poppins didn't get him. There's some serious willpower there. All I can wish for is that you don't resort to that purple terror, Barney, in your next attempt at getting him to speak. I may have to use my own plot holes to get rid of him. But I'm glad you like the site, and thanks for the deliciously random submission! Here's the next one from:
Zephyr Analea
awww, Kimhari still won't talk? well, here's a lil gift for tha big blue
puppy. **snaps her fingers and a little fuzzy purple kitten appears on
Kimhari's head** ^-^
Lulu: are you giving lessons on how to do Voodoo?
Kimhari: how long have you known Yuna? and do you like kittens?
Yuna: which of these two do you like better, Anima or Bahamut?
Auron: **hands him a file labeled "CONFIDENTIAL" that is full of photos and
papers** here's some proof! if you decide to go on strike, or start a
conspiracy, may i help?
Tidus: what was it like having to fight your dad when he was Sin? and have
you ever fallen into some lava pit, and lived? cuz you are kinda a dream
so........
Seymour: do you still like Yuna?
Yuna: did you get a job as a prefessional singer? myt brother says you did.
~Zephyr Analea
Kimahri: .......................
MMM: Apparently cuteness has no effect on him either.
Lulu: Lessons? Not here! Only if you ask me later! I fear what would happen if I gave a lesson to any of these nimwits.
Kimahri:.........................
Yuna: To answer your question, I've known Kimahri all my life, ever since I could remember, Kimahri's been there. But I'm not sure if he likes kittens.
MMM: Either way, their cuteness can't make him talk.
Auron: *Thumbs through the file* Why, there's enough information here to make a whole new FFX Fan/Conspiracy Website! Why, we could join together and create such a site!
Tidus: Some things, like seeing your dad as a horrible monster, and having to kill him, deserve to be left behind. *Dramatic and sad silence* *Puts on a clown nose*
MMM: *Shakes his head* That's sad. Very sad.
Seymour: Ahhh, Yuna is a lovely flower whose hair gently blows in the fair wind.
MMM: I think that was a yes. v_v
Yuna: Well I did do a few gigs for a couple of country restaurants, but nothing ever big. Unless you count all the Yevon Chanting.
MMM: .........OK! Thanks for the submission! Here's the next one from:
Brygi63
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! KIMAAAAAHHHHHHRIIIIIIIIII!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!
......do I have to send the Leprechauns after you? That's right. Leprechauns. Short, Irish people who will sing and do Riverdances until your brain degrades to that of a toddler. Now, then. How do you do that move?
Tripe M: believe it or not, I'm taking it easy on him. I could always send Pee Wee Herman after him.
Yuna: Have you ever heard of a summoned creature known as Quezoctyl? It's a beast from FFVIII called a Guardian, and it's a thunder bird. He's really cool! Also, I think you are a wonderful person, with both physical and spiritual beauty.
Rikku: Oh...so you do have a boyfriend...okay *curses under his breath*. I was asking whether you were single or not because you're my favorite of the FFX characters. You're very energetic and smart and really funny in FFX-2...so, who's the lucky guy?
Speaking of FFX-2, what do you guys think of Paine? I get bad vibes from that woman. She's too much like Auron. *shudders*
Triple M: you have revival magic? Are you into necromancing? I don't practice that form of magic. It looks cool, but I think you can get easily corrupted by it.
Seymour: why is your aeon a dead fish? And how does Pain kill the good guys with one blow? Are they just weaklings (my guess), or is your aeon's BO that disgusting?
Kimahri: ............
Tidus: Come on man! Tell him! The leprechauns are coming!
*Irish singing is heard in the distance....it is getting louder*
Kimahri: .............
Tidus: Come on! We're going to be Riverdanced to death!!
*Singing gets louder*
Kimahri: ...............
Tidus: MMM! Do something man! We're going to get Riverdanced!
MMM: Sorry, I'm not going to interrupt with Brygi's attempts to get Kimahri to talk. It's a part of his submission!
*Singing is outside the studio door....Leprechauns begin banging on the door for entry*
Kimahri: ...............
Tidus: AHHHH! *Runs toward the opposite studio door*
MMM: *Pulls cord*
*Large sign drops down in Tidus's path, reading "Those who leave in the middle of a chapter get no pay for that chapter"*
Tidus: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Turns around and runs back to his chair*
*Studio door breaks down, Leprechauns begin pouring in*
Kimahri: .................
*Leprechauns do Riverdances on everyone's heads*
Kimahri: ................
Tidus: AGH! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!
Seymour: NO! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL NEW HAIR!
Auron: *Dices several Leprechauns with his Katana*
MMM: Ok, that's enough of that. I think it's proven that Leprechauns have no effect on Kimahri now. *Pulls out submachine gun and blows all the Leprechauns away*
Leprechaun: *In his dying breaths* We'll be back.....my ancestors will avenge me!!! *Dies*
MMM: Riiiight....Well that wasn't so bad. Just DON'T send Barney! The immortal, evil purple one shall never touch the concrete floor of this studio! *Begins spreading anti-Barney charms around the studio*
Yuna: Isn't that a spin off of the Aztec God Quetzalcoatl? They're both thunderbirds, and I read quite a bit about Aztec history in MMM's studio library.
Rikku: It was Mr. Perfect! No really, that was his name! But when he met a girl more perfect than me, he dropped me like a rock! *Begins sobbing*
MMM: *Holds up sign with an arrow pointing at Rikku, reading "Perfect Opportunity"*
Auron: What a pig.
MMM: Well I do specialize in most kinds of magic, but I avoid the black arts of necromancy. I practice Paladinic arts, such as healing and war elemental magics.
Seymour: *Really angrily* DESPITE the fact that Anima has BO............He still can kill because it's a very powerful move! It takes all of the user's anguishes, mainly mine, and turns them against the enemy! And such I'm such a tortured, anguished soul,
MMM: *Gagging noise*
Seymour:.......then it is extra powerful.
MMM: Thank you Seymour! Our next contestant hails from.....oh, sorry, wrong show. Thanks for the submission Brygi! After our long hiatus, here's the next one:
Brygi63
Author: *pays him a huge sum of money for making Rikku available* *whisper: thanks a lot man. :end whisper*
Now then, Rikku, don't cry. It doesn't suit a beautiful young woman such as yourself. Besides, Mr. Perfect doesn't know what he's given up.
Triple M: there's no need to worry about me summoning the purple freak dinosaur. He is an evil creature too powerful for me to call forth, so he'll only come by his own free will. Same goes with the Tellatubbies...and I shot Pee-Wee Herman the moment I met him, so he's outta the picture, too. The Leprechauns may be different, however, as they befriend the fairies and elves of Irish lore, and they know all sorts of powerful spells, including summoning.
All right, Ronso. Time to get serious. If you don't tell me how to use Lancet, you're going to the Street of Indescribable Horrors. I can't summon anyone from there, but teleportation is easy. Beware, as my cousins, those wicked five-year-olds, will be there, too.
Lulu: *gives her a Chao* treat it with love and care, and it will be the most powerful weapon at your disposal. The weapon of supreme cuteness! And if it cuddles animals, it gets stronger, too (tip: let it hug one of Yuna's aeons)...and don't stick pins in it. It'll get ticked off at you.
Well, then, I'd best be going. Have a good day.
Author: *Files away cash in his New PC slush fund, Whispering* No problem! *Thumbs up, End whispering*
Rikku: Actually, Mr. Perfect said he knew exactly what he was giving up, he said Mrs. Perfect was going to divorce him if he didn't stop seeing me!
MMM: I thought something like this was going on. Pah, society these days.
Kimahri: ................. *Gets teleported away with a loud FRAP*
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*Kimahri reappears with another FRAP*
Kimahri: ................ *His fur is tied into little bows and he is covered with small and large patches of make-up and bruises*
Lulu: *Looks over the chao* And how would this be a weapon? If Kimahri is unaffected by cute, I can't imagine it will be of use against anyone or anything else. *Suddenly notice everyone else in the room besides Kimahri cringing in fear of the cuteness* Hmmm.....then again.....
MMM: Well, it appears Kimahri is still maintaining his steel silence, but if you look closer at his face, it appears his demeanor is beginning to crack... Keep trying and thanks for the submission!
(THIS CHAPTER IS UNFINISHED! HELP FINISH IT BY SENDING IN A SUBMISSION!)
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