MMM-AJ.com - Ask the Star Fox Team...and other chars.

Episode 1

MMM: Welcome to the first episode of “Ask the Star Fox Characters!” This column will run as follows: 10 question submissions per chapter with 20 chapters, making for 200 submissions answered total! Here’s the Disclaimer:

Disclaimer I don’t own Star Fox. If you don’t believe this, you are an idiot.

MMM: OK! On with the show!

*Curtains open, revealing the Star Fox Characters sitting on chairs.*

Fox: This isn’t the first time I got paid a huge sum of money to do something mind numbingly stupid!

General Pepper: *Wearing rags* Three times I hired their teams and they took all the money in the entire Cornerian government!

MMM: Poor Pepper. Anyway, let’s get things started! Our first submission is from:

YahooBlaster

I gotta know, how can you guys put up with Slippy’s voice? It’s so FRICK’N ANNOYING! I’ve wanted to shoot Slippy so many times while playing your games, that I almost threw my N64 out my window! Slippy should invent some sort of sound converter to wear and convert his voice into something tolerable!

Falco: You know, Slippy was the reason that I quit the Star Fox Team in Star Fox Adventures. But now that I’ve rejoined, I’ve found a solution! *Points to Slippy, who is tied up and gagged in his chair*

Slippy: Mmmmmppphhh…..mmmmmmmph…….

MMM: Aww, that’s not nice! But congrats to Yahoo Blaster! The first submitter on the Star Fox Column! And now, the next one is from our loyal friend:

Nightingale
(Audience cheers!)

W00t w00t! The StarFox thing is finally up and running! Yay! And I think I shall submit something. SPOILER!!! Andross, do you have connections with Che Guevara? You just look and sound so much like him... and I can't get over your accent! Ha ha ha ha! Fun! END SPOILER!!! ~Chaos, panic, and disorder: My work here is done. ~

Nightingale

Andross: I think you’ve got me confused with someone else my friend. I’m from Jamaica Man! Can’t you tell the difference between Cubans and Jamaicans? It’s elementary man!

Fox: Besides, Che is an evil scumbag, and

*Everyone stares at Fox*

Fox: Oh yeah, Andross is evil too. Right. Sorry.

MMM: *Stifles back laugh* Ok, good one Nightengale! Here’s another one from:

Nightingale
(More cheers)

Poor StarFox... and Slippy... I know! I'll ask a lot of questions all at once so that you can take a long time answering them and hopefully ratify your inflated paychecks... and egos... oh wait, that's just Pepper...
1) In StarFox 64, in the first level, there are pictures of Pepper all over the buildings! Is there an election coming soon? Or is Pepper just an evil dictator? *gasp* Could he be a traitor in disguise?
2) Krystal, how did you get to be blue? Were you dipped in a large vat of paint when you were young? Or is it just a play on the term "blue fox?" Is that where your accent came from? What do you think about the rumors that you are a cat? Does StarFox Adventures promote cross-species dating?
3) Last one, since I have to go soon. Will people ever get to see these great columns? Or will they just disappear into nothing? Do I use too many question marks? Will I ever leave you alone, MMM? Will I ever stop asking you questions that you can't possibly answer? Probably not...
Have fun answering these! And untie Slippy, for goodness sakes.
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~

Fox: Hey! Just because people on the other columns are greedy doesn’t mean I’m greedy!

Pepper: I can’t believe I’m hearing this from the leader of the team that charged us $1000 for each ship they shot down…

Fox: ………………

Pepper: I’ll have you know that the people of Corneria had elected me emergency powers when Andross invaded. Those pictures were there to scare Andross’ forces.

Falco: Right…

Krystal: Actually, I’m blue for the same reason Sonic the Hedgehog is.

Andross Andross: What’s the reason?

Krystal: *shrugs* Beats me.

*Everybody sighs*

Krystal: Interspecies dating? BLECHH! I’m sure my parents were both foxes! But I’m sure there was some inside Sonic’s world…How could Sally be Tails’ aunt?

*Strained silence*

MMM: I wish I could tell the future of my site, but I know that as long as I have a good server, It’ll be up for good!

Falco: *Unties Slippy’s ropes, then locks his hands into handcuffs, leaving the tape on his mouth too.* hehehehehe, she said “Untie”

MMM: *sighs* Ok, here’s our next submission from:

Dale

Star Fox, why can’t you ride Tricky? Sometimes he gets real annoying doncha think?

Fox: Tricky’s too small to ride. If I were to sit on him, I could throw out his back. And yes he is annoying, but not as annoying as Navi from Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Falco: *Playing OoT* Amen to that brudda!

MMM: Thanks for that submission Dale! Short but sweet. Here’s another of your submissions:

Dale

Star Fox, after you saved crystal did you and her have a little something afterwards?

Fox: HAH! I wish. Krystal told me she had some sort of religious vow she had to uphold.

Krystal: *Smiles guiltily*

MMM: Also a little short, but it’s the thought that counts! Here’s another one:

Dale

Star Fox, what do you prefer, A blaster or the staff

Fox: That’s actually a tough question. The blaster is awesome, but so is the staff…oh….THEY’RE BOTH SOO GOOD!!!

MMM: Calm down Fox. You could say you like BOTH of them!

Fox: *o.0* Ok, that works for me!

MMM: Ok….good. Thanks for the submission Dale! Here’s another one!

Dale

Star Fox, if you’re so cool can go Matrix?

Fox: you know, you were kinda cool before, but when you insult me like that, I lose my will to answer your question.

MMM: Try this on for size: I only pay characters who answer questions.

Fox: *Scowls* How could I go Matrix if I’m NOT IN THE MATRIX?????

MMM: Next time think your submission out a little more, Dale. Here’s a submission from

ZeldaGamer69

Well, I havn’t submitted here before, but I figured I’ll try, even though I’ve never played a Starfox game before. Ok, heres the question: Fox: How long have you been a mercenary? Did your dad train you? And has Falco always been such a jerk?

Falco: I resent that!

MMM: Let Fox answer the question!

Fox: I’ve piloted my arwing for as long as I remember. My dad trained me when I was only 14 years old. Then he was killed…..It’s so sad…*Starts crying*

Falco: *Rolls eyes* Wimp.

MMM: Watch it Falco. Anyway, thanks for all your submissions ZeldaGamer! Here’s a new submission from:

Nightingale
(Cheers)

MY GOSH! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU GOT A SUBMISSION? Submitters, hang your heads in shame. *all the submitters hang their heads in shame* That's better. *thinking* I HAVE the power! *end thinking* *ahem*

Fox: Whoa now. Maybe you should take anger management classes. If you can't control yourself better than that, I'll just have to take drastic action. *glint*

Katt: Who is that blue fox guy in the StarFox Adventures comic? When are you gonna marry him? *wink wink*

Slippy (ha! Now you HAVE to ungag him!): If I may ask, why on earth do you keep that hat? It's about two thousand sizes too small for your head! Does Falco ever play keep-away with it just to annoy you?

Peppy: How do you keep the kiddies in line? *dodges angry glares and thrown objects from "kiddies"*

Falco: *tries to hold herself back, but fails* Aaah! You are just so freakin' HOT! *tackles Falco in a death vice of love* ((A/N: You know it's true, because I used a pseudo-curse! Only extreme circumstances would make me do that!))

~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~

*Submitters hang their heads in shame*

Fox: Well you saw the amazingly stupid question! You can’t blame me, can you?

Falco: Being an expert on anger, I think that outburst was justified.

MMM: Katt? Where’s Katt? Argghh, where’d she go????

Author Author: *Pops in* Sadly, I’ve never read the Fox Comics, so I probably couldn’t have answered that one anyways…

Audience: Awwwwwwww….

Author Author: Oh well, got to go get Katt from the tanning Salon. *Pops out*

MMM: -_- I suspected as much…

Falco: Darn! *Ungags Slippy*

Slippy: Finally! About the hat, I’ve had it since I was three! I’ve grown emotionally attached to it, like a security blanket!

Falco: Oh realllllyyyy….

Slippy: Fortunately Falco hasn’t done that to me yet…I’m not sure why…

Falco: Oh it’s only a matter of time…*Laughs maniacally*

Group Answer Everyone else: *0_0*

Peppy: Kiddies? I have no idea what you’re talking about!

Author Author: *Pops in* Neither do I!!! *Pops out*

Falco: *Getting crushed by Nightingale’s grip…and liking it* Wow! The first time a girl’s done this to me! Instead of the other way around!

MMM: Well, now I’ve seen everything… The first day I’ve had to tell a Submitter to behave, instead of the characters! *Pries Nightingale off of Falco with Crow Bar*

Falco: Awww, why’d ya have to do that?

MMM: Sorry, can’t let there be Character/Submitter relationships you know. It just won’t work! Anyways, thanks for the submission Nightingale! That has to be the randomest, funniest one yet! Here’s another one!

Nightingale
(No cheering because the audience’s throats are raw)

Grrrrr... How DARE you meddle in matters of love!! *picks up a HUGE boulder and buries MMM underneath it* Hmph. Serves him right for messing with romance. *sits down next to Falco and gives him a huggle*

~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~

MMM: *Trapped under boulder* Not good! Ribs breaking…..organs bursting….losing consciousness….ugh…. *Passes out*

Fox: (Jaw drop) Oh no! Now who’ll write our paychecks??????!!!!!!!!

Slippy: Oh my gosh! Poor MMM! I’d dial an ambulance if I wasn’t tied up! Fox! You call the Hospital!

Fox: Nah.

Slippy: WHY NOT????!!!

Fox: Don’t feel like it.

Slippy: Peppy????

Peppy: *Laughing crazily and unable to talk*

Slippy: Andross????????

Andross Andross: You forget that I like to watch people die…

Slippy: Aww crap!