Ask the Legacies Characters
MMM: Hey everybody, welcome to the first episode of Ask the Legacies Characters! Unfortunately, I don't have any fancy-schmancy graphics or sprites for this column, so you'll have to enjoy it on in standard site graphics settings. Doesn't mean it'll be any less funny though! Just like any other standard column, this one is designed to stretch for 20 episodes with 10 episodes. Also, this column can be used for both serious questions about the fanfic as well as humor. If you want a serious answer, make sure to say so in your submission, otherwise we'll be silly! So, without delay, let us begin!
*Curtains open, revealing that all the characters are in their chairs, except Ashley who is currently strangling Ares to death with her bare hands*
MMM: Wow, I don't think any of my other columns had become violent before the curtain even rose!
Ashley: I'll teach you to try and kill my family, you slime! *continues choking Ares*
Tanis: Uhh, Ashley? We're on the air now...
Ashley, Oh, hi! *sprints over to her chair and sits*
Ares: *takes a sharp breath* Oh lord, she has stronger hands than I had imagined! *casts recover on self*
MMM: Alright, let's get started! Our first submission is from who else but
ZephyrAnalea
Woot, first submission! Time to get this wheel rolling.
First question is for Ares:
Why are your horns so big? And have you ever tried to use them for roasting marshmallows? I bet they'd be pretty useful...
Next one's for Onta:
How do you avoid getting majorly sunburnt when you live around water all your life? I always get more sunburnt in water than I do on land...
That's all fer now, but I shall return!
Ares: Hmm, well I can't speak for the scientists who created me, but I assume it was to make me appear more fearsome and warlike. I was to be their weapon of ultimate destruction after all. All they really do is make my head unsuitabl for any helmet except custom made ones. And if you would be willing to dip yourhead into an open fire first, then maybe I would consider doing so as well.
Ashley: I'd pay to see your head on fire.
Ares: *deathglare at Ashley*
Onta: Normally, Zora's domain is pretty well hidden from direct sunlight, and we don't leave home for extended periods of time unless we have to. But during our times out in the sun, our bodies excrete a thin layer of natural mucous that is surprisingly protective against harmful sunlight.
Shakara: So, you use snot for sunblock?
Onta: Essentially...yes.
Shakara: Remind me to never kiss you.
Onta: Can do.
MMM: Fishy anatomy is always interesting! Thanks for that submission Zephyr! Here's the next one from:
Torcher
I got one for Tanis:
Is that gold thing on your head made of real gold is it some organic growth?
Tanis: As far as I can tell, it is solid metallic gold. But I never really knew where it came from, or why my father put it there when he created me. Something tells me it would make for a great story.
MMM: You're damn right! And I've got it all here on this tape too! *Brandishes a VHS tape*
Ares: Before you play that MMM, I have two questions for you.
MMM: Shoot.
Ares: Where did you get all this obscure information about us?
MMM: You know, technically I'm the alter ego of the author who created all of you, so technically I know more about you all than you do.
Ares: Point.
MMM: Second question?
Ares: Why in the names of the 20 Hylian Gods are you still using VHS tapes? You're 2 steps behind the video format parade now.
MMM: I...errr...um...Would you believe it's budget issues?
Ares: Considering how many columns full of high-paid characters you run, I'd believe it.
MMM: Good. Now if there aren't any other objections, I'm going to play this tape. *sticks VHS in player*
*Begin video*
*Mewtwo is working in his underground mountain laboratory, hunched over an open glass incubation tube where child Tanis is sleeping, hooked up to machinery*
*A soft, eloquent sounding doorbell chimes*
Mewtwo: Geez, again?. *walks away from the tube, leaving it open, to answer the door. *
Mewtwo: *leans up against the door* Who is it?
Voice: Trainers! We're here to capture you!
Mewtwo: Again? Jesus Christ, this is the fifth time today. *opens the door* Do you want me to teleport you to the bottom of the ocean or what?
Trainer: *throws Ultraball at Mewtwo* HIYOOOO!
Mewtwo: *steps aside, dodging Ultraball*
*Ultraball sails across the room, and smashes into Mewtwo's lab equipment, some of which explodes into flames*
Mewtwo: Alright, ocean it is! *snaps fingers, Trainers vanish*
*Mewtwo runs over and starts cleaning up broken lab equipment and putting out fire, doesn't notice that a piece of golden wire fell into Tanis' tube and got stuck in his forehead*
*End video*
Tanis: Wow. I sort of expected it to be some kind of ornament, not a sign of my father's inability to notice a piece of metal stuck in his son's forehead.
MMM: You're the one who said kit made for a funny story!
Shakara: But how does that explain the way you got a whole bunch of new golden swirls when I brought you back with Ares' resurrector machine?
Ares: Because part of the machine's programming was the 'Kickass appearance' algorithm, which is specifically designed to amplify the subject's kickass visual features.
MMM: There you go! Thanks for the submission Torcher!
(THIS EPISODE IS UNFINISHED! HELP FINISH IT BE SENDING IN A SUBMISSION!)
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