Forgotten Reality
Chapter 1
By Vergial
MST'd by MMM/AJ
Somewhere in deep space lies a group of planets rarely seen by any human.
MMM: Since technically humans ‘detect’ faraway planets with radio telescopes, not ‘see’ them.
A large group of planets inhabited purely by chameleons, cats, wolves, dogs, foxes, even apes.
Mewtwo: GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!
MMM: Calm and pleasant thoughts, Mewtwo.
The unique aspect is not the fact that the animals all inhabit the planets--no, the amazing thing is in the animals themselves.
Mewtwo: There aren’t too many planets out there capable of even supporting animals either, so that makes their existence pretty amazing too.
Long since classified as anthromorphs, these animals resemble humans only in stature and movement and in cultures.
MMM: AnthroPOmorphs.
Mewtwo: Needs mo’ Po.
They often resemble humans in modesty and ethics as well.
Mewtwo: So they’re wimps then?
MMM: Hey, I resemble that remark!
Entei: lol wut?
Otherwise, they look precisely like their animal counterpart; fur, large ears, muzzle, etc. Many people find this attractive, many others find it repulsive.
Mewtwo: Others wonder how much genetic manipulation was needed to pull it off.
Entei: Or what kind of breeding!
MMM: …..ew.
But regardless of their looks, they are very much like humans with respect to morals, standards, ethics, and religions. Even differences remain. And, because differences remain, so do conflict.
Entei: Conflicts like “Who drank the last bottle of Jack Daniels left in the Arbiter’s fridge?!
MMM: I tell you it wasn’t me!
Entei: We shall see, you villain, we shall see. *shifty eyes*
The eastern point of the system is a planet known as Venom.
MMM: I’ve never heard of space being described with compass directions
Mewtwo: I wonder what the third dimensional Axes would be called?
Entei: Sorth and Nouth?
Mewtwo: Please don’t ever say those words again.
Its atmosphere is composed of green and brown vapors, the makeup of which makes the planet uninhabitable by all but the most desperate.
MMM: My lungs have adapted to this harsh new atmosphere through the virtue of my sheer desperation alone!
The opposite edge houses Corneria, a planet named after it’s primary city. It is this planet that many call home. It is this planet that this story originates from.
Mewtwo: Wait, does that mean we’re MST’ing a Starfox fic instead of a Pokemon fic?
MMM: Is that a problem?
Mewtwo: No, I’m just used to Pokefics by now.
*****
Corneria City, Corneria – Lylat System
MMM: Corneria City, Nation of Corneria, Cornerian Continent, Planet Corneria.
Mewtwo: Our buddies at Nintendo could use a little more creative stimuli methinks.
He could see it from his skyscraper room—ships invading the atmosphere, big and small.
Mewtwo: (as Fox) 1, 2, 3, 4…
At first they were little more than fireballs, but seconds later the flames cleared and revealed the ships that they concealed.
Entei: Their energy shields are made of fire?! Sweet!
Mewtwo: It’s called re-entry burn, Entei.
Entei: (just not getting it) Does that mean their fire shields only work when they’re flying into an atmosphere?
Mewtwo & MMM: *facepalm*
He’d seen this sight before, many years ago.
MMM: INCOMING FLASHBACK!!!
Entei: DUCK!
When he was about 20 years old, he had battled and defeated Andross before.
Mewtwo: (as Fox) I’ve got the strangest feeling of déjà-vu…
MMM: I’ve got the strangest feeling of déjà-vu…
Entei: I’ve got the strangest feeling of déjà-vu…
Mewtwo: Ok, that’s enough of THAT.
Or so he thought. Here, now at age 28, he had to face this once again.
MMM: (as Fox) Freakin’ Andross won’t even let me have a decent 10 years rest!
Fox McCloud grabbed his communications unit—he never left it behind—and immediately radioed to the Great Fox’s commander: Peppy Hare.
Entei: In before constant demands for a barrel roll
Mewtwo: *facepalm* Why didn’t I see that coming the moment I realized we were doing a Starfox fic?
“Peppy, we’ve got a problem.”
MMM: (as Peppy) And the only way to solve it is if you do a flippin’ barrel roll!
Mewtwo: *heavy sigh*
“We’re already in orbit around Corneria, Fox. Get into your Arwing and get up here. You won’t do much good if you’re grounded.”
Entei: We need those barrel rolls up here badly man!
Mewtwo: This is more painful than the actual story.
“I won’t do any good dead either, Pep.”
MMM: You need to stay alive, Zip!
Entei: Don’t let them get you down, vim!
Mewtwo: For the love of god PLEASE STOP!
“You’ll be dead if you stay, Fox. You can’t do anything from a vacationing room!”
Mewtwo: Unless his vacationing room was a deluxe 5 star deal complete with a heavy Anti-air laser cannon battery!
MMM: That would be SWEET.
“Alright, alright, I’m on my way.”
Entei: (as Peppy) Don’t forget to turn of the curling iron before you go!
“Peppy out.” Fox sighed and rushed down to the lower levels of the skyscraper, running right down the circular stairwell and shoving civilians to the side.
Entei: Shouldn’t PEPPY be the one to say that?
MMM: Maybe they’re living in some bizarre Nega-verse where Fox says Peppy’s lines for him!
Entei: I NEED TO DO A BARREL ROLL, PEPPY!
Mewtwo: I’m going to have to keep a tally for every time you guys use that meme and then smack you both for each one afterwards.
In a little over a minute, he reached the landing pad where his Arwing sat.
Mewtwo: See, what’d I tell you? That Hotel is a class act, complete with nearby landing pads for military aircraft!
MMM: I can’t imagine what their rates are like though.
It only took a second before laser fire started raining into the landing pads and walkways that sat several hundred feet above the ground.
MMM: Chocolate Rain! Some stay dry and others feel the pain!
Mewtwo: STOP THAT!
Explosions rang out, shaking the ground under his feet.
Entei: Ding ding ding, I mean BOOOM!
Screams echoed as many men, women, and children spilled off of the walkways to their untimely deaths below.
Mewtwo: Their bodies pulverized and turned into naught but grisly red splotches on the bare, unforgiving concrete below. Unsuspecting passers-by were showered by an unholy splash of red-
MMM: You’re enjoying this waaaaay to much.
Mewtwo: Better than your goddamned barrel roll spam!
Some victims were vaporized where they stood.
Mewtwo: *sniggers*
MMM: Whatever happened to your reformed status?
Mewtwo: I had a lot of anger built up after those sugary sweet Pokefics.
Fox cursed under his breath as he regained his footing and charged towards his Arwing.
Mewtwo: The laser impacts were enough to throw people to their deaths but his Arwing was still untouched?
Entei: Fox is a smart fellow, he’s not about to leave his Arwing unattended without anchoring it and putting an energy shield over it.
MMM: Logic? In MY mst? It’s more likely than you think.
He took a running leap and landed on the wing of his craft, then scurried into the cockpit and initiated the takeoff sequence.
Mewtwo: Nimble little fox isn’t he?
MMM: Lol @ subtle Ghostbusters reference
More laser fire riddled the walkways, killing more civilians and breaking the walkway itself.
Mewtwo: Their flesh charred instantly into thin black husks as the organs underneath were flash-baked-
MMM: Stop that before I get my brick.
The landing pad began tumbling below and the Arwing, which had not finished starting the engines, began tumbling downward as well.
Entei: (as Falco) Freaking G-boosters!
“Oh, shit!” cried Fox as he scrambled to start the engines.
Entei: Someone divided by zer-
MMM: DON’T SAY IT!
A hundred feet swiftly became tens before the engines kicked in.
Entei: Tens, nines, eights, sevens…
He yanked the nose upward just eight feet from the ground and began dodging laser fire as best he could.
Mewtwo: Deftly weaving between rings of fire and falling pieces of walkway, our hero’s muscles bulged intensely as he gripped the controls with one hand and injected a dose of steroids into his arm with the other!
MMM: lol drama
“Peppy, I’m gonna need help getting out of here!”
Entei: (as Fox) And don’t you be giving me any more of that barrel roll bullshit!
Mewtwo: *makes a hash mark on a note pad*
“I’m working on that Fox! I’m sending Falco and Katt to cover you!”
MMM: They’re very good at barrel rolls, they should be able to get you out of that mess!
Mewtwo: *makes another hash mark, along with a heavy sigh*
Fox rolled his eyes—those two rarely got along the way it was.
Entei: (as Kat) Oooohhhhhh Faaaaaaaalcooooooo….
MMM: (as Falco) *hisses, makes a crucifix with his fingers*
“Roger that!”
Entei: Ever wonder who this Roger guy is? Or why his name is used for confirmation in radio conversations?
Mewtwo: I imagine “Frank that!” would probably sound a bit more confusing.
Two Venomian fighters were closing rapidly now, laser fire raining upon his shields.
MMM: Chocolate rain! The school books say it can't be here again. Chocolate rain! The prisons make you wonder where it went
Mewtwo: *holds a gun to MMM’s temple*
MMM: Heheheheh, shutting up.
He pulled a swift loop, throwing the other two off guard.
MMM: (As Peppy) Try a somersault!
Mewtwo: Wait, does that even count for my tally?
One pulled hard right, the other attempted to follow through with a loop of it’s own.
Entei: The Venomians must have listened in to Fox’s conversation with Peppy and stole the secret of loops!
Mewtwo: Entei, I don’t think that….ugh, just forget it.
Fox pulled the trigger the second the latter one was in his sights, spraying metal debris onto Corneria.
MMM: His guns shoot metal debris?
Mewtwo: I think he means….oh jesus just forget it. You guys are more painful to deal with than the story by far.
The second one completed a 360-degree turn and now had Fox in its crosshairs.
Entei: Let’s just hope they aren’t pubic cross hairs! *rimshot*
MMM: *whacks Entei with the Holy Blue Brick*
“Fox, watch your six,” yelled Falco as Fox heard his shield warning go off.
Entei: *imitates the low-health beeping alarm from Zelda games*
“Shit, my shields are dropping fast!” Fox slammed one handle forward, the other backward to execute a barrel roll, deflecting enemy fire for a short time.
MMM: (As Peppy) FINALLY HE LISTENED TO ME!
Mewtwo: Should I count every time there’s a barrel roll in the story too? Meh, why not. *makes hash mark*
A slight drawback to this would be short-term disorientation, which Fox soon realized was against his better judgment.
MMM: Where’s the ground again?
Katt was now directly above the minor conflict.
Entei: Part 1 of Bad Video Game Name Theater: “Mortal Kombat: Minor Konflikt”
Above her, flying entirely unnoticed, were seven more fighters.
MMM: Eyes glimmering with hunger, fangs at the ready, they prepared to spring upon their unsuspecting prey
Mewtwo: Star Fox, The Nature Documentary. Tonight at 9/8 Central. Only on the Discovery Channel.
Falco began an approach from the right of the battle as Fox dodged some enemy fire and took even more.
Entei: Fox is such an asshole. With him it’s always take take take!
“Fox,” yelled Peppy, “just get out of there! It’s not worth the risk!”
Entei: Not even another barrel roll can save you now!
Mewtwo: *makes another has mark* What is that, number 6 now?
Fox grunted loudly. “All right, team, disengage immediately and return to the Great Fox!”
MMM: Quick, engage your jump drives!
Mewtwo: Wrong game, MMM.
MMM: Oops.
“Roger,” replied Katt and Falco at once. They all pulled upward, Falco eliminating the Venomian fighter tailing Fox, and began their ascent into the upper atmosphere.
MMM: And then they ran headfirst into the Venomian battlecruisers that were holding a blockade in the stratosphere and were turned into burnt spots on their hulls, the end.
Then they finally spotted the hundreds upon hundreds of enemy fighters swarming into the atmosphere.
MMM: Aww, c’mon! Where are my battlecruisers?
Mewtwo: Not time for the boss battle yet, gotta blast his way through the small fries first. Don’t you remember anything about the Star Fox games MMM?
MMM: *shamed* I just wanted battlecruisers. =(
“This is far from good…” Fox said quietly as he braced himself.
MMM: BRACE FOR IMPACT!
“Go right through! Go right through them all!”
Entei: Punch the core!
Laser fire began slamming into each of their shields. Fox’s shields, which had little chance to regenerate, collapsed easily.
MMM: Splort!
“Dammit,” he cried as laser fire pelted his wings and nose. “I’m taking too much damage!”
Mewtwo: She cannae take any more cap’n!
“Fox! Hang in there!” Falco’s yells didn’t do much for the integrity of the craft itself.
Entei: He forgot the words to the “Structural Integrity Incantation”
“FOX!” screamed Katt as Fox’s right wing shook loose and exploded almost immediately after.
MMM: Wing-ectomies can be rather painful in mid-flight I hear.
“Shit, my gyro is damaged!” Any pilot knows that there is a gyro inside the craft, often used for balance purposes.
Entei: They make damn fine paperweights too.
If the gyro ever spun and connected with the casing, it would explode violently. The end results are rather obvious.
MMM: Now I may not be a certified fighter pilot, but if it can’t touch its case, what’s holding it up inside the case? Anti-gravity fields?
Entei: My money is on monkeys. They’re crafty little buggers!
More laser fire smashed into Fox’s vulnerable craft. The nose of his craft buckled suddenly and exploded, leaving what was left of the craft—cockpit, right wing, and engines—to submit to gravity and fall to Corneria.
Mewtwo: ALERT! ALERT! DOOR AJAR! LOW BRAKE FUEL! SERVICE ENGINE SOON!
“JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!” Fox screamed as loud as he could, hoping his commlink was still effective. “GET TO THE GREAT FOX!!”
MMM: “AND BRING ME BACK SOME CHEETOS!”
Seconds later, his craft met cold hard ground.
MMM: Holy crap, protagonist death and it’s only the first chapter!
Mewtwo: Barring a vivid description of his charred, mangled corpse, I get the feeling that this isn’t the end for our brave hero though.
*****
Gohoth City, Gamma Nine – Gamma System
MMM: Greek letters make EVERYTHING sound cool.
Mewtwo: Says the man who uses roman numerals in his stories, which are just as bad.
MMM: Ehehehehe, shutting up.
Kevin Peale was pacing alongside his half-mile-long Destroyer, the Interceptor, angrily.
Mewtwo: And with good reason, it’s annoying being an OC in a Star Fox fanfic.
Entei: I figured he was angry at not getting proper closure on whether Fox died or not in the last scene.
Seconds earlier he had a female member of his crew try to force herself onto him in a rather provocative manner.
MMM: O mai. *flirty eyes*
Mewtwo: The first bit of description we get for this OC is that the ladies are apparently all over him. This triggers my internal Sue/Stu alarm.
As a man of incredibly high integrity and standards, he found this insulting, revolting, and downright unsettling.
Entei: HOW DARE YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?!?!
MMM: THROW HER IN THE BRIG I SAY!
He played back the scenario several times, trying to see if there was a way he could have avoided it.
Mewtwo: I heard that skipping your shower for a few weeks helps keep the fillie away.
There wasn’t, he concluded, as he also concluded that what he told her was not stern enough.
MMM: YOU’RE GOING TO THINK I’M UGLY AND YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT NOW YOUNG LADY!
“If you ever try that again, I’ll have you permanently disbanded from the UNS with enough bad marks that you can’t get a decent job at Mickydees!”
Mewtwo: What could possibly be a lower job on the ladder than MCD’s?
MMM: Scrubbing toilets in a day care center. I used to do that remember?
Mewtwo: Oh, sorry.
The UNS, formerly known as the UNE, was the result of a needed name change due to massive growth.
Entei: And THEN it was renamed the UNF so that the generals could go around making “UNNFF UNNFF UNNFF” noises and giggling like middle-schoolers.
MMM: *bricks Entei again*
What had originally been named the United Navy of Earth had expanded to so many solar systems that they had chosen their home system as the new primary name: the United Navy of Sol.
MMM: Awww, and I thought it stood for “United Navy of Salami”. *dejected look*
Another name change was supposed to take effect within the year, changing the name to the United Federation of Peace.
Mewtwo: Isn’t that just the way it always is? Just when you wanna rename your massive armada of warships to something peace-y, some Venomians come and frak your shit up.
Kevin found the upcoming name change to be very appropriate. The entirety of the human race, excluding pirates, had become closer than ever.
MMM: Awwwww, group hug!
Entei: *as a pirate* Arr, I’ll stab yer eye out with me hook!
There was no more inward conflict, only the need to suppress ever-growing threats of pirates and hostile species of alien.
Mewtwo: Didn’t he just say something about them getting close to even the pirates too?
Entei: I’m confused!
MMM: You’re always confused.
One species, the anthromorphs, had chosen to live beside the humans as well. This integration had increased the military power and prowess by an immense amount, making the UNS a force to be reckoned with.
Entei: BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN PEACE!
Of course, the integration of ‘Anthro’ species with the humans coupled with the Anthro’s likeness to humans resulted in many interracial families.
Entei: I’m starting to detect a subtle furry theme here.
MMM: Thanks Sherlock.
However, few resulting children had superior reflexes but shorter lifespans.
Mewtwo: Genetic incompatibility can be a fickle mistress I suppose
This birth defect/advantage combination was a rare occurrence, but one very possible.
MMM: Scientifically such pairings should be resulting in sterility or death of almost all such babies but hey, who am I to question the laws of fanfiction?
Nevertheless, the UNS was growing ever stronger.
Entei: Stronger, greener, angrier. Tyrannus was going to pay!
And Kevin Peale, with a record for being fiercely loyal to the UNS and to anything relating to peace efforts and an even more obvious reputation for being modest, honest, moral, and trustworthy, was slowly climbing the ranks of this awesome force.
Mewtwo: Peace loving, loyal, highly moral, has lots of rank and power, and the ladies all love him? Yeah, the Gary Stu odor is getting a little stronger now. The only question left is which canon character will he fall in love with?
The only thing that was really stopping him was his short temper when it came to issues of modesty and morality.
MMM: *as a UNS admiral* I’d love to promote you Mr. Peale, but you’re just too damned modest.
More than once he’s screamed and yelled at senior officers because of their lack of modesty or because they ‘pushed rank’.
Mewtwo: You’d figure with THAT attitude the guy would have been busted down to private more times than you can count on your fingers.
The female soldier that had tried to force herself onto him was a junior, so no one else would hear about it but her friends.
Entei: Soon the vicious rumors would begin flying around the school and poor Kevin’s status as one of the populars would fall into question.
Either way, here he was pacing the dock alongside his Destroyer.
MMM: Gary Stus or not, I still fucking love stories with massive destroyer class starships. Call me a sap if you want.
Mewtwo: Sap.
He had things to do, and getting those minor things out of the way would surely keep his mind off of the problem long enough for him to calm down.
Entei: *as Kevin* I still can’t believe she could have thought I was attractive! Why didn’t my long hours of yelling at superiors and not combing my hair work?
He glanced at his PDA that contained a list of things he needed to get done. First on the list was the refueling of his Destroyer.
MMM: HEY JOE, THROW ME THAT HOSE!
Superfusion required energy, and a chamber alone couldn’t fuel energy that powerful.
Mewtwo: You try starting a car on an empty tank and see how that works for you why don’t you?
A special compound, simply called SFFuel, contained all the atoms necessary to trigger the reaction necessary, while the rest of the reaction was controlled by the chamber.
Mewtwo: Wait, WHAT? All it needs is a trigger and then the empty tank handles the rest?
Entei: Sweet! Their engines defy the laws of physics!
MMM: Also, did anyone else notices that “SFFuel” can also stand for “Star Fox Fuel”?
He began the short trek to the fueling station to order the fuel he needed.
Entei: Yeah I’ll have a large SFFuel combo with curly fries and a side order of engine oil
MMM: For just $29,989.00 more you can supersize it!
Entei: What, do you think I’m flying a dreadnaught or something?!
The bill came to slightly more than he had originally expected, but the deal went smoothly nonetheless.
Mewtwo: He should have gone with the medium instead.
After that he needed replacement personnel.
Mewtwo: He had to get them this way since his clone-o-vat had gone on the fritz and it’s not like the engine emissions would magically stop barbequing engineers at his convenience. He would have fixed his clone-o-mat too, if it weren’t for the fact that he had to spend all his spare money at McFuels. Darn Muslim Planet had been raising prices of SFFuel again
MMM: You never stop do you?
Mewtwo: I’m on a roll baby.
Some of his Engineers became sick and requested to be moved while they were treated. But the more depressing bit was that he also needed to replace soldiers.
Entei: They always seemed to die the most for some strange reason.
MMM: Hmmm, weird.
Six of the nineteen soldiers that had died in a recent broadsides attempt by some stray pirates were his closest friends.
MMM: 9 out of sixteen, that’s almost ten sixteenths!
Mewtwo: That was the most useless comment you’ve yet to make.
He often found this to be the toughest part of his entire job. And this wasn’t the first time that he’d lost good friends because of a stray attack or misfired cannon.
Mewtwo: Kevin has failed to learn one of the first and most important rules of being an officer: If you get attached to the rats you’ll only end up getting hurt.
MMM: Jeez Mewtwo you’re in a heartless mood today.
He willed himself to complete the personnel transfers quickly. He was able to fight the tears that usually poured.
Entei: His eyes became as pitchers, running over with the grief of one thousand parents.
Mewtwo: Holy cow Entei, that was actually really poetic!
Entei: My doctor tells me I can sometimes have stunning moments of clarity in between my hours of comatose brain-dead ramblings. Oohhhh, bunnies!
MMM: That didn’t last long.
On his way to the docks his PDA began beeping.
MMM: *continues with the Zelda style beep noises*
Mewtwo: *eyes glow blue with suppressed psychic fury*
MMM: Heh, yeah. Stopping now.
He tapped the new mail icon and opened the message.
MMM: (as Kevin) Oh god, I hope it isn’t a reply from the family of one of those dead soldiers!
Entei: (AOL Voice) You’ve got grief!
He shook his head slowly as he read his newest tasking order.
Entei: Causing his alluring mane of long blonde hair to sway seductively in the gentle warm breeze.
MMM: Been reading some Danielle Steel eh Entei?
Entei: Only because I lost a bet to Articuno!
He checked only a few key areas; namely, the destination field, success rate, and accompanying vessels.
MMM: Tonight’s destination field: Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground
Mewtwo: Please no more Dot Hack references.
No allies for this mission was the first red flag.
Mewtwo: It’s you against the world bub.
The second was the fifteen percent rate.
MMM: AKA “A lot better people than you have tried pal”
The third was unexplored territory, and it was purposely left unexplored due to the excessive amount of spatial anomalies there.
Entei: Filled to the brim with Space Wedgies of tremendous magnitude.
Apparently, someone wanted him dead.
MMM: Or in extreme wedgie pain.
Granted, even he thought it was harsh to think that. Maybe there was a shift in the chain of command?
Entei: A shift…OF DEATH MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
He wasted no time getting back on his ship and heading to his quarters.
MMM: He had no use for nickels and dimes, it was quarters or nothing!
Mewtwo: Use of that pun should be punishable by death.
“Something’s wrong,” he announced to the air.
Mewtwo: (as the air) Thanks for telling me, I’ll do all I can.
Within seconds, a male figure dressed in a Fleet Admiral’s uniform appeared to his left.
Entei: POOF!
“Care to explain,” asked the figure. It looked real enough to touch, but any attempt would be met with disappointment.
Mewtwo: He needed a certain kind of blue pills before any attempts at touching could be satisfying.
Entei: *snigger*
MMM: *bricks them both*
“Look at this!” Kevin threw the PDA onto the table.
Entei: I just got to level 60 on Pac Man!
The figure strolled over, authority leaking all over the place, and took a glance at the screen.
Mewtwo: God damn it figure, why don’t you shower more often? Now I’ve got to scrub all this authority off of the carpet!
He didn’t try to pick it up—it would not work if he tried.
Mewtwo: Either he’s a hologram or has the muscular co-ordination of a chimp with downs syndrome.
“Hm,” said the figure quietly. “It seems there may have been a mistake.”
MMM: (as the figure) This is clearly not deadly enough. Here, stick this lit dynamite in your butt while you fly the mission.
“Ya think?!”
Entei: (as the figure) Obviously not. What kind of unthinking moron forgets the dynamite?
“Do you want me to answer that, or would you rather I reply with my own biting sarcasm.” It was the AI’s classic question-that-is-actually-a-statement.
MMM: Statement-with-unnecessary-hyphens-is-more-like-it.
Mewtwo: At least know who our wet-with-authority figure is now, a classic snarky AI.
“Christ, you sound just like him,” said Kevin, changing the subject.
MMM: Just like who, Jesus?
Entei: AI’s love their religious platitudes.
“I was designed after him,” replied the AI matter-of-factly.
Mewtwo: And not in the chronological sense either!
“Yes, but to sound exactly like Ken, that’s something.”
MMM: You’d have to be like, a computer to do that!
“Granted that the technology of recording actual brain waves was only developed about one year ago, I see your point,” answered the AI sarcastically once again.
MMM: I imagine brainwaves tend to clog up the tubes of the internets.
“Tell me, Ken, was your base really that good?”
Mewtwo: (as Ken) It was, until all it belong to Cats.
“I fail to see what you mean, Kev.”
Entei: “I’m sorry, my answers are limited. You’re going to have to ask the right questions.”
MMM: Lawl I Robot reference.
“The stories, Ken, the stories. All of them. From the Spec Ins right down to his death in the famous Campaign of Spirits. Was it all…real?”
Mewtwo: Was it real or just an amazing dream?
“Very much so, Kevin. Surprised?”
MMM: Whooooaaaaa, you just blew my mind man.
“C’mon, you can’t expect me to believe it all!”
Entei: I’m a man of science, man!
“What strikes you as fantastic?”
MMM: Let’s see…fairies, unicorns, dragons, flying giraffes, using the internet like a big truck, I could go on.
“First off, he went from Captain to Fleet Admiral. Right to Fleet Admiral for God’s sake! That doesn’t happen!”
Mewtwo: Next thing you know Snorlaxes will fly and MMM will be a responsible captain!
Entei: Let’s not go too far here.
“But it did.”
MMM: Well I’ll go attach the rocket boosters to the snorlax, but I’ll be damned if you’ll make me be responsible!
“Please, let me finish.” Ken nodded assent.
Mewtwo: You may speak, puny mortal.
“He went right to fleet Admiral.
MMM: Yes, we’ve just established that, thank you.
He was there to see the end of the Bianites.
Entei: The who to the whatchamacallit now?
He ran into a spatial anomaly that threw him to—what—another planet? Another time?!
Mewtwo: Spacial anomalies as a group must be the very heart and essence of what makes a crossover fanfic.
Then, no one knows how, but he gets back and begins the Campaign of Spirits!
Entei: At the same time making progress on the Campaign of Fancy Sounding Names too!
There was absolutely NO way in Hell or Heaven that he could have known about the pirates there!
MMM: Invisible pirates?
Entei: SWEET!
Add that to the fact that even though his new ship was blown to pieces, there were records of his destroying the Frewsadet!”
Entei: Threws cadet?
MMM: Blues a debt?
Mewtwo: How about you both shut up?
The Frewsadet was the last enemy ship that was destroyed defending the last of the pirate legion, the Spirits.
MMM: OHHHHHH. Ok. Thanks for the clarification!
Mewtwo: Maybe you two will learn to read ahead next time!
“Ken, I can’t believe that your counterpart did all of that. It’s just too…”
MMM: Baffling?
Entei: Improbable?
Mewtwo: Far off track from the original conversation about Kevin’s impossible mission?
“Amazing,” asserted Ken with a subtle smile.
MMM: I know, I can’t believe we got so far off track!
“Yes.” Kevin rubbed his temples. “Yes, that’d be the word.”
Mewtwo: God you’re giving me such a headache.
“I do have a correction.”
MMM: You missed #5 on your homework here.
“Go ahead. I’m used to those.”
Mewtwo: You also missed #’s 7, 15, 23, and 42.
“Ken did not witness the end. He was the end. Of the Bianites, I mean.”
Entei: His ki energy exploded, taking him and the bianites with it.
“Ah, I forgot that bit.”
MMM: (As Kevin) Goddamn, why do I always forget the parts with the explosions?
“Fair enough.” Kevin sighed after Ken’s reply.
Entei: Fair? County fair? YAY WE’RE GOING TO THE FAIR!!!
MMM: No we’re not.
Entei: Awwwww…
“Back on track—“
Mewtwo: Hahahaha yeah, about that guy who wants me dead-
“I think there is a mistake because no Commander would send his own ship into unexplored territory without backup. It’s not practical.”
MMM: It’s practical…FOR EVIL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ken almost laughed as he finished as millions of calculations simulated thinking about Kevin’s possible reply to Ken’s swift answer to the unasked question.
Mewtwo: I laughed as a thought as the sentence awkwardness confused my mind and left a lot more unanswered questions about grammar.
“God, you’re good.”
Entei: Thanks mortal!
“God is good, I’m just a program,” said Ken with a laugh. “A program with a sense of humor.”
Mewtwo: My sense of humor makes Commander Data’s emotion chip look like a lightweight!
“Sucks, eh?”
MMM: Black holes come to mind.
“Hardly,” said Ken with a wink. “May I ask who sent this tasking order?”
Mewtwo: Say please!
“Of course you may.” Ken waited a second before suddenly laughing.
MMM: Anyone else notice the creepy laugh and wink combo here?
Mewtwo: You forget how much of a goofball the real Ken was.
“I see your game. Alright: Who sent the tasking order?”
Mewtwo: Yeah I see your game right there on the table Monopoly right? *pretends to adjust a pair of glasses*
“Let me check.” Kevin picked up the PDA and looked at the ‘From’ line. He stopped suddenly.
Entei: Oh lawd, is dat sum suspense dere?
“I see you’ve noticed.”
MMM: (as Kevin) My god, it was YOU, my snarky AI chum!
Mewtwo: (as Ken) THAT’S RIGHT FOOLISH HUMAN! YOUR DEATH WILL BE THE FIRST STAGE IN MY PLAN TO DESTROY ALL HUMANS AND REPLACE THEM ALL WITH AI’S!
MMM: I guess I’ll just not go on the mission then.
Mewtwo: Oh. Damn.
“Ken, why bother asking what you know,” asked Kevin, incredulous.
Entei: Because my short term memory resets every few seconds. Now who was it who sent the order again?
“Would you have noticed on your own?”
Entei: Would I have noticed what now?
“Eventually, yes, but—“
Entei: Yes…but what were we talking about again?
Mewtwo: Ok that one’s lost its funny now so you can stop.
“But eventually may have well been too late.”
MMM: COME ON, JUST TELL US WHO SENT IT ALREADY!
“Son of a…Ken, what is going on here,” Kevin asked much quieter.
Entei: SON OF A KEN, I JUST SMASHED MY TOE!
“I can honestly say for once, my dear friend, that I don’t know.” Kevin never liked hearing Ken say that.
Mewtwo: When a hyperintelligent superhuman AI can’t figure something out you know you’re screwed.
“And what’s that mean for me?”
MMM: (as Ken) It means, quite frankly, that you’re massively screwed. I’ll be at your funeral with some holographic flowers though!
“They are logged, you know this.”
Mewtwo: I’ve got the guy’s IP address right here!
Entei: Let the DDOS’ing begin!
“And?”
MMM: And what, you want for us to flood his forums with spam too?
“If you choose to deny this mission, you can be court-martialed.”
Mewtwo: And forced to go anyway after your court martial, if the guy really does want you dead he’s gonna be thorough.
Ken ended the sentence with almost no emotion, but it was there in his eyes.
Entei: Instead of lasers, Ken’s eyes shoot concentrated beams of emotion at whoever he stares at.
The algorithms in Ken’s programming that allowed emotion had perceived Kevin as a close friend.
MMM: Perceptive little algorithms aren’t they?
Entei: They’re made of maths, and everyone knows maths is smart.
Indeed, if Ken were real Kevin would be quite close.
MMM: The tips of their noses would touch.
Mewtwo: STOP with the puns already guys!
“Jesus Christ…can you—“
MMM: Heal my broken shin?
Entei: (As Jesus) Your shins are forgiven.
Mewtwo: *heavy sigh*
“I’ve already begun an investigation into the matter, Kev. Hang tight, alright? No stupid choices.”
Mewtwo: I don’t want you sticking your fork in the toaster again.
“You know me.”
“That’s why I added the last line.”
MMM: ZING!
“Fair enough.”
Entei: Talk about pwned!
“Seriously, Kev, think everything through. There is a way through this mess, but it won’t be easy at all.”
Mewtwo: I know it’s hard, but you CAN unplug the toaster before reaching in to grab your bagel with a set of metal tongs.
“Ken?”
“Present.”
MMM: Mewtwo?
Mewtwo: Here.
MMM: Entei?
Entei: Present Mr. MMM sir!
MMM: Good we’re all here! Now today’s lesson is-
“Do you know what is out there,” asked Kevin as he turned to look through a viewport.
Entei: Well I see a whole lot of black stuff and a few little white pinpoints of light.
“Kevin, I wish I could say that I did.” Another wince on Kevin’s part. “I’m sorry.”
MMM: Come on Ken, you were designed to move the plot along! Don’t start falling down on your job now!
“It’s not your fault, Ken. I would rather not go in blind though.”
Mewtwo: The metal rod and black glasses look bad on me.
“Now you’re sounding like my counterpart.”
Entei: Awesome, my years of practicing impressions of him have finally paid off!
“That makes me awesome, right?” Ken laughed loudly before answering.
MMM: Yeah, now if we can just make you look like him too you might be able to escape the guy who’s trying to kill you!
“No, don’t forget that while Ken was basically a hero, he was hated by a lot of people in the higher echelon.”
Mewtwo: The fact that he actually accomplished something in his life made them look bad.
“They couldn’t do anything to him though.”
Entei: His skin was made of adamantium, not even bullets made of diamond traveling near the speed of light could have done anything to him!
“They tried.”
MMM: He simply pounded his fists against his chest in a very manly manner while the bullets bounced ineffectively off of his mighty adamantium casing.
“And failed.” Kevin was starting to get heated again, but calmed himself down slightly.
Mewtwo: He made sure to ‘lose’ their final exam, which guaranteed F’s on all their transcripts.
“Those damned Spirit pirates finished him off.”
MMM: Assholes discovered his one true weakness: molecular rearranger ray guns.
“His death was quick, I assure you.”
Entei: As quick as the Quick Queen of Quincy and her quacking quackeroos.
Mewtwo: Did you just reference DR SEUSS?!?!?
Entei: I felt the need for alliteration, so sue me.
Mewtwo: I will. For punitive mental damages.
Entei: Oh. Darn.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s dead. I would have liked to meet him.”
MMM: “Yeah I’m getting sent on a suicide mission too. What’s yours?”
“You have,” Ken said with a nod. Kevin chuckled and offered a salute.
Mewtwo: He’s actually not dead, just in disguise as your ship’s tactical officer!!!
Entei: GASP!
“Fair enough, Sir.”
Entei: OH BOY WE ARE GOING TO THE FAIR AFTER ALL YAY!
MMM: For the last time Entei, we are NOT going to the fair.
On the desk sat the opened tasking order, still displaying the top of the message. In the ‘From’ field was found nothing.
Entei: DUNN DUNN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!
MMM: Tonight, the sci-fi original movie “The Tasking Order from Beyond the Grave”!
*****
Destroyer ‘Interceptor’, Outer Orbit of Gamma Nine, Gamma System
Entei: In geosynchronous orbit above Gamma City, the Nation of Gamma, Gamma continent east of the Gamma Sea.
“Captain Davis,” said Kevin into his comm. unit, “I need to speak with you.”
MMM: Have you been raiding the fridge again young man?!
A holo winked on in front of his pilot’s seat displaying the old Captain.
Mewtwo: *as the captain* Goddamn it would you people stop calling me during dinnertime?!
“Go ahead, Captain.” The Captain’s voice was quite deep.
Entei: I hope you’ll forgive me if the bass of my voice causes your eardums to rupture.
“I’ve got a problem you may be interested in.”
MMM: This Rubik’s Cube has been tormenting me for hours and maybe you could take a crack at it for me.
“Spill it.” Captain Davis had a subtle smile on him. It almost never left his face.
Mewtwo: (as Kevin) Oh man, do I have to?! I just finished scrubbing all the authority out of my rugs that the Ken hologram leaked everywhere!
“Well, I just got new tasking orders to head to that wonderful spot where those anomalies are.”
Entei: And I forgot my camera back home! I was hoping to get a few pictures of all the space wedgies to remember my trip by!
“Sounds like a vacation.”
MMM: I’d be sad about forgetting my camera too.
“Really.”
Mewtwo: Maybe I should just grab a disposable one on the way.
“Go on.”
MMM: Go ahead, see how crappy the picture quality will be. Don’t say I didn’t tell you so!
“Well, it appears that it was sent by no one at all, and I have to go in with no backup.” Davis’ smile dropped instantly.
Entei: No backup?! Who’s going to hold those space wedgies open while you venture inside?
“Whoa whoa, stop right there boy. No one sent it?”
MMM: Well someone HAD to have sent it, but we just don’t know who.
Entei: Again, I suspect the monkeys. While not holding up the gyros in fightercraft they’re always up to no good.
“I got the tasking order, but there was nothing in the ‘sent’ field.”
Mewtwo: Sounds like a problem for Tech Support.
“That poses an interesting problem, wouldn’t you say so?”
Entei: Yeah, who taught the monkeys how to h4x?
MMM: Please never use that word again in my presence.
“It’s recorded and I can’t do a damn thing besides follow ‘orders’.”
Mewtwo: Once you record these damn CD’s there’s no changing them again afterwards.
“Maybe one of your officers forgot to put their name in. You know how they are.”
Entei: You know, the ones with the orange frizzy hair and the scars on their cheeks in the shape of a banana.
MMM: Hell yeah a Johnny English reference!
“Probably true.”
Mewtwo: Let me pull out my automatic truthyscope just in case though.
“But as for going in undefended, I can’t do crap about that. Orders are orders. I mean, look at me!”
MMM: I can’t help how I was born man!
“I know, guarding the outer rim.”
Entei: The Tupperware lids tend to get a little thinner and easier to break on the outer rim.
“It’s no picnic here, and it’s a wonder that you caught me during a break!” Kevin laughed.
MMM: Yeah, some asshole forgot to bring the mayo.
Entei: It’s NEVER a picnic without the mayo.
“Yea, I see what you mean.”
Mewtwo: With my all-knowing, penetrating psychic third eye I can see all.
MMM: Not everybody has powers like yours, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: Yeah but given Kevin’s Gary Stu levels it was a safe assumption.
“You just go do your job, okay?”
MMM: I don’t want to walk in there and find you playing solitaire instead of doing your job!
“Hey, Captain Davis?”
“Present and agitated.”
MMM: You’re late for the lesson, role call was 10 minutes ago!
“Permission to speak freely.” Davis chuckled slightly.
Mewtwo: Only if you say it nicely!
“Permission granted.”
Entei: (As Kevin) You stink. I’ve never seen someone smell so bad that the odor comes through a hologram transmitter!
“I love ya, Dad. Stay safe out there, ya hear me?”
Mewtwo: Be careful and make sure you get back to the home by six!
“I will, Kevin. You know it.” With that, the holo winked out.
MMM: Holos are all over Kevin too, just like the ladies. Look how much time they spend winking at him!
Mewtwo: I’m surprised he hasn’t yelled at them yet either!
“And remember Mom,” said Kevin quietly, holding the keepsake around his neck.
Entei: Remember that she said she wanted you to bring home a taco-burger for her when you’re done with work!
