Episode 4
MMM: Welcome one and all to our Fourth episode of the “Ask the Legendary Pokemon” Column! We’ve been moving along nicely, and now we’ve introduced a new chapter to every column except the FFX and Star Fox ones. But on to Chapter 4!
I do not own Pokemon or Nintendo or anything related to these two. If you don’t believe this, you are an idiot.
MMM: On with the show! We cured the problems Ho-oh and Entei had, and the sedative wore off, so here’s the first submission from:
Nightingale
To answer your question, Mew and co., "huggle" and "chortle" are both made-up words. "Chortle" was made up by Lewis Carol (you know, Alice In Wonderland...), and it's a combination of the words chuckle and snort. Used in the poem "The Jabberwocky." Don't ask what a jabberwocky is. I said don't! *ahem* "Huggle" follows the same pattern. It's a combination of hug and snuggle, I think. Heh. Please don't hurt me for this...
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
MMM: What is “Jabberwocky” anyways? (Gets whacked by Nightingale) Ouch…..ehehehehe….couldn’t resist.
Mewtwo: Well it’s good to get hugged once in awhile, although I think Mew’s upset.
Mew: Double crosser! How dare you go after another girl! A column submitter even!
Mewtwo: It’s not like that! Honestly!
Celebi: I’ll be your soul mate Nightingale!
MMM: Agghhh!! Shut up Celebi! There will be none of that here you baka! That is of course, unless you WANT to forfeit today’s pay… Besides, I really don’t want you to scare off my best submitter!
Celebi: sorry…
Mewtwo: Honestly Mew it was just a friendly hug!
Mew: Sure! “Soul mate” Hah!
Mewtwo: Darn….now I need emotional support again.
MMM: Awwww, the liddle baby gonna cwy?
Mewtwo: WHY YOU INSIGNIFIGANT LITTLE WORM!!!
MMM: *Being lifted and squeezed by Mewtwo* ouch….a little help here guys?
Mew: *Fires psychic ball and hits Mewtwo*
Mewtwo: So it’s come to this again huh?!
Mew: I can take you any time pal! *Starts flaying around and fighting with Mewtwo*
MMM: *Having been dropped after Mewtwo lost interest in him.* Well, I suppose I need the tranquilizer darts again. Thanks for the awesome submission Nightingale! Here’s one from:
ZeldaGamer69
(Cheers!)
Sup all Pokes! Guess whose back! I got a few questions for y’all. Mewtwo: It seems like you have girl trouble now. Why don’t you say to Mew: “It’s just you baby, and no one else.” If that does not work, nothing will. In the words of the old quote of the week: “When all else fails poke it with a stick!” Ho-oh: Are you really stoned? Dude, that’s not cool! Just say no man! Lugia: Yeah! Pancakes rule!
Mewtwo: *Still fighting with Mew outside the studio*
MMM: There’s always a solution to these things….an expensive solution… *Pulls out psychic neutralizer gun and shoots a wave of energy into the sky. Mewtwo and Mew soon thud to the ground afterward.*
Mewtwo: *Mute without his powers, he and Mew stomp into the studio scowling acidically*
MMM: Now, you want your powers back, right?
Mew & Mewtwo: *Nods*
MMM: Then you have to promise to stop fighting and kiss and make up!
Mewtwo: *thinking* I wouldn’t mind the kissing part…*end thinking*
MMM: Do you promise?
Mew & Mewtwo: *Nod again*
MMM: Ok then! *Switches gun to reverse and zaps Mewtwo and Mew*
Mewtwo: Whew! Good to have my talking back! Ok then: I’m taking your advice ZG69! “It’s just you baby, and no one else!”
Mew: That won’t work!
Mewtwo: Darn! *Grabs stick and pokes Mew*
Mew: Hey! Ow! Stop that!
MMM: Guess nothing works.
Ho-oh: Please don’t stone me! Honestly I’m not a heretic! Ouch! Ow! *Hallucination shifts* I must find the Holy Grail! *Bangs head on floor repeatedly*
Lugia: YEAH!!! GO PANCAKES!!!!
MMM: Yeah! Good submission ZG69! Here’s another submission from our returning favorite:
Dale
(Cheers!)
To all Pokemon Who is your fantasy love mate. And really Celebi, I'd rather not hear from you. And sorry about everything Mewtwo.
MMM: You want to know my fantasy love person??? She’s (CENSORED BY WEBMASTER IN ORDER TO RETAIN PRIVACY)
Lugia: Wow! I never would’ve guessed!
MMM: *Blushes* Okay guys, let’s answer!
Mewtwo: Even though there have been troubles, Mew’s still the one for me!
Mew: Awwww, I can’t stay angry when you’re that nice! *Huggles Mewtwo*
Mewtwo: Arghh, I think I’ve exceeded today’s mushiness quota….
Celebi: I *Interrupted*
MMM: Ahhh!!
Celebi: Darn!
Lugia: I’m happy with my Pancakes and TV!
Ho-oh: *Still banging head on floor* Got milk? *Starts chewing on the Camera*
Zapdos: Well, If I could get my hands on Raikou…
MMM: Tsk tsk…
Moltres: Hmmpph! Who needs romance? I got my red hots! *Fondles box of Red Hots* My preciousssssss….
Articuno: When one’s body temperature is less than -300° Fahrenheit, one tends to be a cold noodle in terms of romance…
Entei: I love my bottle of liquor! *Huggles bottle*
Mewtwo: Well thanks for the help Dale! I guess things are better now.
MMM: How wonderful! A happy ending to the submission!
Celebi: Not for me!
MMM: Shut up you! Dang I’m in a bad mood! I need a GOOD submission to lighten my spirits now! Here’s the next one from:
Master Breeder
Amazement! Suspense! And you might actually sweat! Today I’ve got a real treat!
MMM: Would you like to……TRADE YOUR LEGENDARY POKEMON????????? I’m only asking that you give me your Celebi…I want to do some medical examinations to see what makes the girl tick…(No offense intended to lesbians) ANYWAYS, I’ll trade you my Hispanic male Celebi for her! She has been harassing the submitters lately….(I feel your pain Nightingale) So it would be a trade up for you! (Seriously, NO OFFENSE!)
MMM: *Scratches chin* Hmm…you drive a hard bargain Mr. Breeder….I’ll have to think about this…
Celebi: I think I…
MMM: You can have her! *Grabs Celebi, and throws her out of a plot hole. New Celebi comes out of the same plot hole, which then closes up*
Celebi: ¡Hola!
MMM: ¡Hola! ¿Como estas?
Celebi: Bien, gracias. ¡Hay un gato en mis pantalones!
Mewtwo: Quit speaking in Spanish! And what exactly did he say MMM?
MMM: He said… “There’s a cat in my pants!”
Mewtwo: Uhhhh…right. Are you paraphrasing?
MMM: Nope. That was a literal translation!
Author: *Pops in* Finally, I used what I learned in Spanish class! *Pops out*
Mewtwo: Well that’s just dandy. Another crazy random character to pollute my mind…and I KNOW that you can speak English!
Celebi: This is true my friend! I need to speak in the same language as los submitters, so I took an Ingles clase before MB brought me here!
Mewtwo: You still have quite the accent though. *Rolls eyes heavily*
Celebi: It’s ok, I’ll let my muscles do the talking! *Flexes arms, which bulge with rippling muscle*
Mew: *With hearts for eyes and flashy anime hearts backgrounds* Oohhhhhhh! I’m in love!
Mewtwo: *Sighs heavily with anime style sweatdrop* Once again, I find myself without love….
MMM: Tough beans! I’m going to read the next submission. Thanks for that awesome trade! *I reiterate what MB said, this was not meant to offend anyone, it’s simply random humor with no means of offense.* Anyways, the next submission is from:
Nightingale
(Cheers)
Hello Mewtwo! I was just wondering... I know someone very much like yourself. Non-human, he also claims to be the ultimate life form, and his best friend died when he was young, too. However, he hasn't been able to accept her death and now claims that she is telling him to kill people. He needs help, and unfortunately I can do nothing for him. I was wondering if you could help? Since you've reformed and all. You might be able to show him the light. He's just in there. *points to the "Ask the Sonic Characters" studio* If you don't want to go, then that's fine. If you do, watch out for fudge.
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
Mewtwo: Ahh yes, I know about Shadow. That’s a sad case. I’ve read his mind to try to find out what’s going on in there, and trust me, IT AIN’T PRETTY MY FRIEND! He’s now more crazed than I was when I was trying to take over the world! Trust me, when I know someone MORE dysfunctional than me, then there’s nothing I can do. Besides, I can’t beat fudge!
MMM: Thanks for the *Cough*Short*Cough* submission Nightingale! Trust me when I say that when Mewtwo can’t even help someone, they’re unhelpable! Here’s the next submission from:
Brygi63
Hola, Celebi quien habla espanol. Que palabras sabes usded? Tambien se albun espanol, y quiero saber como buen tu comprende tu lingue...Celebi, por que tiene un gato en tu pantalones? Hello, Celebi who speaks Spanish. (translation) What words do you know? I also know some Spanish, and I wanted to know how well you understand your language...Celebi, why is there a cat in your pants?
Anyone: Can someone please get Ho-oh out of his little dream world? He's really freaking me out, especially since I've captured one of his kind. Can you at least call poison control or something before he gets into a coma?
Articuno: You-are-awesome. The best Pokemon I've caught thus far, plus you look beautiful. I mean, Mew is cute, but you are absolutely gorgeous. Can I hug you, or will I get a case of frostbite? Tell me soon before I try it, okay?
Well, bye for now.
Celebi: ¡Hola Brygi63! Yo Hablo español perfectamente, pero el autor no habla mucha. Necesito hablar en ingles para los lectores en los Estados Unidos. (Translation) Hello Brygi63! I speak Spanish perfectly, but the author doesn’t speak much. I need to speak in English for the readers in the United States.
MMM: *Laughs* Yeah, I should probably bring Ho-oh out of his little dream world in case someone sends him a question.
Ho-oh: It’s the Indo-Chinese Inquisition! No-one expects the Indo-Chinese Inquisition!
MMM: Or the Russio-Tibetan Inquisition! Or the Kanto Region Inquisition! Do you own any Heretical Pokemon sir?
Mewtwo: MMM! Snap out of it! Don’t fall prey to the insanity!
MMM: You! Purple one! Do you own any heretical Pokemon? Are you a Heretical Pokemon? Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyougod???????
Mewtwo: Looks like we’ve lost MMM…I’ll get the antidote to the insanity peppers…*Teleports out*
Ten minutes later…..
Mewtwo: *Teleports back in, holding a glass vial* Here’s the antidote! I’m not fond of the idea of force-feeding it to the bird though…
Ho-oh: Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyougod???????
MMM: Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyougod???????!!
Ho-oh: Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruthsohelpyougod???????!!!!!
Mewtwo: So I’ll just do this…*Teleports the antidote directly into Ho-oh’s stomach.*
Ho-oh; *Snaps out of it* Whoa…that high didn’t seem to last as long as the others…
MMM: Time for a good ol’ countrified HOOTENANNY!!!!!!
Ho-oh: Funny…I don’t remember sharing my peppers with MMM?
Mewtwo: Well in this place the craziness spreads like a virus. It’s a good thing I’ve built up an immunity! *Falls over laughing*
*Studio is deathly silent at this rim shot, except MMM who is square dancing with an invisible lady*
Mewtwo: *Cringes* Nobody likes my brand of humor. Ahh well, I’d better help MMM. *Teleports out to get the antidote like he had done for Ho-oh*
Ten minutes later…
Mewtwo: *Teleports back in* Ok, I’ll give MMM his medicine. *Teleports antidote into MMM’s stomach*
MMM: *Snaps out of it* Whoa, what happened?
Mewtwo: You succumbed.
MMM: Oh ok. Articuno, answer your question.
Articuno: *Snoozing in her chair with drool frozen to her beak*
MMM: I think this will wake her up! *Pours boiling water on Articuno*
Articuno: NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE LAVA!!!!! Uhhhh….ohhhh it was a dream. Phew…
MMM: You have a question to answer!
Articuno: ME??? I though nobody would ever send me one!
MMM: Just answer it!
Articuno: Ok. *Reads question* Well it’s nice to meet someone who likes me…but yes you would get hypothermia and die relatively quickly if you hugged me. This really doesn’t help my love life either…
MMM: Thanks for that awesome submission Brygi63! Here’s the next submission from:
Tigerlily
Mew: AAAWWWWWWW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE BUURIN! *the pink super pig* Anyways...how come you like Spanish Celebi instead of Mewtwo? Do you know how to transform?
Mewtwo: Wow you're pretty smart! ^_^ Heh reminds me of Moonlight. (my gray eyes Umbreon)
Ho-oh- *hugs* Ooooo.....I love pretty birds!
Lugia: *hugs him* I love pancakes too!
Celebi: Go-no-stas and been.
(note: I've don't know spanish so I ask how are you)
Articuno and Moltres: You are pretty! *_* *realized she drink too much tea*
-heh ^~^-
Mew: How can you not like this new guy? Look!
*Celebi’s muscles bulge rhythmically*
Mewtwo: Oh puh-lease…he’s so shallow though!
Celebi: *Gazing at self in mirror* I’m too sexy for my mustang!
Mew: But he is too sexy for his mustang!
MMM: You know, in the Sonic column it’s considered taboo to go interspecies.
Mew: Who cares!....and no I can’t transform.
Mewtwo: Yes, I am pretty smart huh?
MMM: Now who’s being shallow?
Mewtwo: *Sighs* Why is everyone against me?
Lugia: *Hands Mewtwo a pancake* It’ll cure what ails you!
Mewtwo: Riiiiiiight……*Teleports pancake away when Lugia isn’t looking*
Celebi: Actually, the correct way to write the sentence you mentioned is “Como estas?”, and “bien” means ‘well’.
MMM: Thanks for that little Spanish lesson Celebi, and thanks for the submission Tigerlily! Here's the next one from:
Brygi63
Hey, guys! It's been awhile (not really), but I'm back in this column! I'm sure you didn't miss me. At least not with that Spanish lesson I gave you.
Author: Your Spanish was great. Kudos, my friend!
Articuno: So I can't hug you without freezing, huh? That stinks. I really need a hug from something huggable...wait! Mew's cute and cuddly.
Mew: Do you mind if *sees Mewtwo forming a shadow ball*...never mind.
Mewtwo, you have no right to get jealous. Since your genes came from a Mew, going out with her would be like dating your mom.(thinks: ha ha...I have destroyed all platonic relations of Mew and Mewtwo, whatever that means!) MUA HA HA HA...sorry.
Celebi, the Spanish pimp: I gotta admit this. You are ripped, man. What's your workout routine?
Well, I hope you enjoyed my long, disturbing submission. Bye!
Author: ¡Muchas gracias!
Articuno: Hey Moltres, could you hit me with a fire blast? Maybe that'll warm me up.
Moltres: Ok, but I won't be held responsible for what happens....*Blasts fire at Articuno*
*When fire clears, there is nothing left of Articuno but a puddle*
Moltres: She asked for it....*Shakes his head*
Mew: *Is still staring at Celebi, not noticing what Brygi says* *Drools*
Mewtwo: You know, your pointing that fact out really didn't matter since Green Guy came here. So who do you suggest I go out with? Hmmm? Ok, now I'm done being mushy. Now I'm going to be cruel and evil for the next few chapters to compensate!
MMM: Ohhh crap...
Celebi: Hehehe, my workout consists of one exercise only, using my psychic powers to make me bigger! Seriously instant results! *Flexes*
Mew: *Drools more*
Mewtwo: *Mumbles*
Articuno's Puddle: *Bubbles*
Moltres: *Shakes head*
MMM: *Introduces next submission*
Tigerlily
Mew: *hugs her* Ooooohhh so cute!!! *then puts her down gently*
Mewtwo: *whispers near his ear* If you want Mew to like you give her gifts that she likes, like neaklace, earrings, rings, blacelet etc.
Lugia and Ho-oh: *poke them* Cute! ^-^
Mew: *Still staring at Celebi, unnoticing Tigerlily*
Mewtwo: *Grumbling Incoherently*
Director: All right! Stop with the emoting! I want to hear some actual talking!
MMM: *Mumbles*
Director: *Slaps MMM*
MMM: HA! Now you did it too!
Director: Damn you! Just get this submission over with!
MMM: Whatever. Thanks for the submission Tigerlily! Here's the last one for this chapter from:
Brygi63
*Shakes head* This is becoming strange even for me. I knew I shouldn't add fuel to the fire *casts Life on Articuno, bringing her back to form*. Hm, I still wanna hug you...Oh, duh! I'm a wizard! I can just cast something to make me immune to the cold *casts Nullfrost on himself, then hugs Articuno* ah...I feel better. But this isn't funny is it? I know! *casts Firaga on Celebi and sets him on fire* Mew's gonna hate me for this, but oh well. I'm hugging my favorite poke--*freezes*
Articuno: Ahhhh, it feels much better to have shape and form again! Now, first order of business....*Blasts Moltres with Ice Beam*
Moltres: *Frozen in block of Ice*
Articuno: Second order of business...*Hugs Brygi back*
Mewtwo: *Grumbles and mumbles incoherently*
Celebi: ¡Ay! ¡Estoy en el infierno! *Flies in circles*
Mewtwo: *Laughs crazily*
Mew: Celebi is so hot!
*Rim Shot, nobody laughs*
Celebi: ¡Ay ay ay ay ay! *Continues flying around in circles*
MMM: *Douses Celebi* Tsk tsk Brygi, you said you wouldn't add fuel to the fire! Oh wait, you're frozen. *Begins chipping Brygi out of his block of ice* Articuno, look what you did!
Articuno: I can't help it if his spell wore off!
MMM: Well we needed to end here anyways, but now I have to chip Brygi out, and then chip Moltres out! It'll be a long night, but I'll see you all next chapter!
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