Episode 3
MMM: Hey there faithful questioners! We've got a real treat for you today!
*Curtains open*
MMM: Introducing: Spyro the Dragon!
Spyro: Uhhh, hi.
MMM: Now on with the show!
*Director runs up and whispers something into MMM's ear.*
MMM: Whoops, heh heh, I forgot the Disclaimer.
Yeah yeah, I own nothing; now get on with the column!
MMM: OK, on with the show! Before we start, are there any things you want to tell the audience Spyro?
Spyro: Well, Jessie, did you remember to take a bath today? I know you like reading this crappy fic, but you really should! I can smell you from here!
MMM: Actually, that's our camera man, Bob.
Bob: Hi! I ate raw onions and garlic for breakfast!
MMM: Goooood for you Bob. Now get back to shooting!
Bob: Okay...
MMM: Our first submission is from:
Jessie the Dragon
*Falls over laughing after seeing Sonic's reaction*
Ok ok don't get all pissed off
anyway a question for Shadow
Why do you keep ranting about being the ultimate life form are you hiding some sort of lack of self esteem
To Eggman: How did you get so good at mechanics?
To Everyone: what is your favorite Spyro character (Sorry I am obsessed with Spyro who is my uncle because I am from the future)
To Amy: you are a good looking girl if Sonic don't like you then find someone else who does
anyway GREAT FIC :)
Shadow: I AM the ultimate life-form! I could kick any of your butts!
Author: You again? Go away! It's not time yet!
Shadow: <censored>!!!
Robotnik: Mechanics has been in my family for ages. My father's father taught him, and he taught me. Using it for evil however, was my doing
Everyone: We all like Spyro!
Spyro: You guys rock!
Everyone: We know!
Amy: The only other super evolved hedgehog in the world is Shadow, and he's too creepy for me!
Shadow: Whew!
MMM: Thank you for sticking with this column Jessie! You and LinkGirl have questioned each chapter, and it's appreciated humongously! :) Our next submission is from:
LinkGirl
Yes, I agree, Rouge would win a Bathing Suit contest for... *Cough* Reasons...
Questions:
~All (And Spyro): Have any of you PLAYED Sonic Adventure 2 Battle (SA2B)?
~All (And Spyro): What video games have you guys/gals played?
Cameo Request: MARIO!!!
Sonic: Yeah, she'd win because of her HUGE
Tails: *Kicks Sonic in the leg*
Sonic: Ouch!
Spyro: I've never played SA2:B, but these guys are pretty cool, so I might.
Everyone Else: Yes! Of course we've played! We're the main characters!
MMM: Can you say DUUHHH? (No offense to LinkGirl)
Spyro: I've played all of my games and all of the Zelda games.
Sonic: I think I speak for everyone when I say: We've played our own games and the Zelda games.
Everyone else: Yep!
MMM: Cool. Anyway, Cameo request has been...Granted! And, delayed!! We will have Mario come in one episode after Spyro leaves, which will be in two episodes. Anyway, ‘thank you’s something huge to LinkGirl and our next submission is from:
Tails
Which one of you losers created that annoyance, Omochao????? Cuz when I find out..................
>=)
Tails: It wasn't me!
Robotnik: It wasn't me!
Everyone else: It wasn't us!
MMM: I'm not sure one of you is being entirely honest....
*Nobody speaks up*
MMM: Come now, don't lie to the readers!
*Still nobody answers*
MMM: You know, if people can't trust us, then they won't ask. If they don't ask, then we won't finish the show. And if we don't finish the show, then none of you get paid!
Rotor: OK! I did it! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
MMM: Don't worry, remember, I have this! *Pulls out M-80*
Rotor: Ok, thanks.
MMM: Our next submission is from:
Angel Sonic
Here's a question for Sonic:
If you had a chance to transform into Hyper Sonic again, but you had to leave everyone and adventure alone for many years in order to collect the Chaos Emeralds and transform them into Super Emeralds, and you couldn't have any contact with anyone until you were done, or you would lose the power to harness the Emeralds at all, would you do it?
And this one's for everyone:
What's your favorite kind of cookie?
Sonic; Actually, (Notice how most answers start with this? Just an oddity I noticed while writing) I probably would. I need to get away from these characters! I also like chocolate chip.
Tails: Pecan crunch
Knuckles: My mom makes the tastiest Rocky Road cookie.
Amy: I like any cookie as long as it has Sonic's face on it!
Shadow: I like any cookie as long as it's burned black, like me.
Robotnik: Robot Crunch
Spyro: I like butterscotch. (Sorry, couldn't think of any jokes for that one)
MMM: Thank you for the questions Angel Sonic! This concludes the Fanfiction.net section of submissions. Our next submission is from:
Eggbellylookalike
Your website looks great! I like the humor. Below is a question
submission.
Robotnik: Why do you have the egg-shaped physique? Haven’t you heard of Jenny Craig? What is your favorite workout song or favorite workout tape?
I'm guessing it is Richard Simmons.
Eggbellylookalike
Robotnik: I’m proud of how I look! *Eats doughnut*. I don’t need to exercise! *Eats slice of pizza*. Screw Richard Simmons! *Eats bag of Cheetohz*
MMM: Watch your language, Dr. R! We don’t want to scare off the submitters!
Robotnik: Whatever. *Eats entire fried chicken*
Sonic: *Makes oinking sounds*
Robotnik: Keep it up blue boy, keep it up! *Drinks entire 2-liter bottle of Kooky-Kola*
MMM: Can you say heart attack? This guy eats almost as much as the author! And now, our next submission is from:
Eggbellylookalike
Sonic: Wait a minute, I though you only accepted one submission per person per chapter!
MMM: Due to the lack of submissions, we’re accepting more submissions from Eggbellylookalike. If you had read the rules section, you would have known that!
Sonic: Ok…sorry.
MMM: anyway, here’s the submission:
Hey Blubberbolts,
What is your favorite food? Please don't say the bulk packaged whale
blubber, or I will Ralph!
Do you think you could catch Sonic if you got in shape and lost three or
four hundred pounds?
Why don't you invent little fat-sucking, liposuction robots?
What movie star do you think you look like? Which movie star would you
pick to play you in a movie of your life? Orson Welles? Louie Anderson?
Sonic:
How long would it take you to run around Robotnik 5 times? An hour?
Have you ever put the moves on Sally? If not, why not?
Eggbellylookalike
Robotnik: My favorite food is the economy size Bucket O’ Deep Fried Chickens, although the whale blubber is pretty good too. *Eats handful of blubber*
Rouge: OK, that’s just gross!
Audience: Eeeeewwww!
Sonic: *Tries pathetically to stifle wild fit of laughter, and fails* Him? Catch me? Even if he were weightless, which will never happen, he could never catch me! Ha!
Robotnik: I’m getting tired of you picking on me Mr. Lookalike! Go pick on the Zelda characters in their column! *Eats handful of bacon*
MMM: Be careful Dr. R, you don’t want to give yourself a heart attack!
Robotnik: Heh heh heh. Shut up. *Eats tub of meat*
Tails: *Laughs crazily*
Sonic: *Laughs at the run around joke* I don’t know, maybe an hour and a half.
Robotnik: *Scowls* If I wasn’t paid as much as I am…
MMM: Careful!
Sally: If he ever tries anything on me, he knows what will happen…
Sonic: *starts sweating*
Sally: That’s right! I’ll show THE VIDEO! *Overshadowing music plays*
Spyro: Bumm bumm bumm!
Sonic: Not that! Anything but that!
Sally: Just watch yourself!
Knuckles: Ok, now that sparked my curiosity, what’s on THE VIDEO? *Same exact music plays*
Spyro: Bumm bumm bumm!
Rouge: Stop that!
Sally: So want to know what’s on THE VIDEO? *Still the same cheesy music*
Spyro: Bumm bumm bumm!
Rouge: Stop that!
Sonic: No! Don’t tell him!
Sally: 20 bucks and I play it.
Knuckles: *Digs in pocket*
Sonic: 30 bucks not to play it!
Robotnik: 50 smackers to play it!
Sally: Deal! *Takes Robotnik’s money*
Sonic: Noooooooo!
Sally: Here MMM, play this. *Hands tape to MMM*
MMM: *Coughs and holds out hand behind back*
Sally: Nothing’s free these days. *Hands Robotnik’s money to MMM*
Sonic: Here MMM! 200 smackaroos to destroy the tape!
MMM: Hmmmmmmm…
Sonic: 500!
MMM: I don’t know, this could be very entertaining!
Sonic: Fine! All of today’s salary!
MMM: Deal! *Snaps tape over knee*
Sally: Sorry Sonic, *Pulls out another copy of tape*
Sonic: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*More cheesy music*
Spyro: Bumm bumm bumm!
Everybody: STOP THAT!
MMM: So is that it, or do you still have enough money to make me play THE SECOND VIDEO?
*Cheesy music starts, but MMM pulls out M-80 and shoots sound equipment*
MMM: *Points gun at Spyro* One bum, and you can kiss yours goodbye!
*Everyone cheers, except Spyro*
MMM: Ok, another great submission from Eggbellylookalike. And I bet he’ll be submitting another one to us again soon! *Director brings in another envelope* Well whaddya know, I was right! Here’s the next submission from;
Eggbellylookalike
Princess Sally; who do you favor, Sonic or Tails? If one of them were to
get a gig singing with N'Sync, who would be better?
Rotor: Have you ever considered inventing a missile that homes in on
blubber? (hint, hint)
Do you patent any of your inventions?
Hey Robotnik: Have you ever thought about designing a robot mind to be
implanted into your skull? That way, maybe you could get a personality!
Knuckles: Why don't you get a haircut?
Eggbellylookalike
Sally: Actually, I wouldn’t go for either of them. First of all, they’re not the same species as me. Secondly, N’Sync sucks more than a vacuum on Valium. Finally, neither of them are really good singers either.
Tails: Not to mention Sally’s my Aunt! (Don’t ask me how, I don’t know) I would not go for a family member.
Spyro: How can she be your Aunt if she’s a different species than you?
Tails: I…don’t…know…
MMM: I guess that’s just how the comic book tells it.
Rotor: A Robotnik Seeking Missile? Not a bad idea indeed! But there’s just one problem with that: he holes himself up in his big city, which has a Dubya’ style missile shield around it. Otherwise we would have bombed his ass off by now.
MMM: Careful!
Rotor: Sorry. Also, I have several patents on my inventions, but you wouldn’t find any, because they’re in my planet’s patent index, and not yours, so don’t bother looking.
Robotnik: Jeeze this guy likes picking on me! *Eats case of yogurt*
MMM: Deal with it lard ball.
Robotnik: Humph! *Drinks 17 cans of Dad’s Brand Root Beer* Actually, I already implanted some brain augmentations to help control my eating habit, but so far it hasn’t worked. *Eats 5 corn dogs at once*
Sonic: I don’t think even Rotor could help you there chubby!
Robotnik: Grrrrr! *Eats a case of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts*
Knuckles: It’s an Island Guardian Tradition to grow long locks where I come from. I would lose my status if I were to cut my hair. On the other hand, it would be an improvement if Robotnik cut off that ugly moustache.
Robotnik: Would everyone quit picking on me!! *Eats economy sized Bin’ O’ Burritos*
Sonic: Aww, but you’re so pick-onable!
Robotnik: *Mumbling* If I weren’t being paid what I am for this…
*Everyone else laughs*
MMM: It looks like if this keeps up, Eggbellylookalike will end up on the Reader Hall of Fame! And big surprise, here’s another one:
Eggbellylookalike
Robotnik: At this time of year, do you get a lot of offers to play Santa at
the local mall?
Do you know how to be jolly?
If not, then why do you always wear red?
Did you know the letters of your name can be rearranged to spell "toon brik"?
Sonic: Have you ever gone fast enough to slow down or reverse time?
Was it cool? Does that make you retro?
Tails: What are you wishing for this Christmas? Would you like a harpoon?
Robotnik: I’m so freakin’ tired of this guy! *Looks around, but all the food is gone.* Hey! Where’d all the food go?
Knuckles: DUHH! YOU ATE IT ALL YOU MORON!!!
Robotnik: MMM, go get some more!
MMM: Sorry, you emptied out the entire studio stockpile. I’m surprised you haven’t had at least thirteen heart attacks in the last ten minutes.
Robotnik: But I’m REALLY HUNGRY!!!!
Rotor: Actually, that’s physically impossible. Your brain is just leading you to believe that you are.
Robotnik: To answer the question, I always roboticized anybody who approaches me with those offers, and it’s gotten to a point where they just stopped coming near me altogether.
Sonic: I guess that answers the jolly question too!
*Everyone laughs*
Robotnik: *Sighs* For the second question, red is one of my favorite colors. It has nothing to do with that stupid holiday, Christmas, which will have already come and gone before any of the Fanfiction.net chapters are finished. And those, word-rearrange thingies are not amusing.
Sonic: I never traveled through time, but I did go fast enough to travel between dimensions, and it was rather boring, since it was a floating little gray walkway floating out in nothingness.
Tails: I’ve never gone harpoon fishing before, so I’m not really interested in harpoons. But I would like a break from fighting Robotnik for awhile. He never gives us a break for Christmas.
MMM: And that’s that folks! We’re close to finishing this chapter! Our next submission is from:
Gogogirl
Robotnik: Hey! Mr. Lookalike is gone! Hooray!
MMM: Shut up and let me read!
Here's a sonic column submission: Hey Sally, I'm just as curious as Knuckles, so here's 1,000,000 to play the video!!!!!
Sally: *Takes money* Hehehe! Looks like it plays today after all! *Hands MMM another video and a handful of cash*
Sonic: *thinking to himself* Little did she know that I have switched her embarrassing video with mine! This will be ultimate!!
MMM: *Hands tape to Bob the cameraman* Play this Bob!
Bob: Ok
*Large TV screen descends from ceiling, and begins playing.*
*Tails is sneaking around Knothole Village with a little pink bow and heart arrows*
(This dialogue not part of video)
Tails: *Bursts out laughing* Oh god! That bow! I remember that! Oh this is going to be GREAT!
Sally: This isn’t my video! Stop the movie! STOP THE MOVIE!!!
(Following is part of the movie)
Tails: Say hello to the cupid bow 2000! Rotor built it, and I stole it! I shoot somebody with it, and they immediately fall in love with the next person they lay eyes on! It only lasts until the end of the day, so no permanent damage will be done, but for now it’s time for prank-fest 2000!
*Tails creeps around various huts, and pokes his head inside Sally’s hut, where Sally and Rotor are working on a large machine*
(Interrupt video)
Sally: I DEMAND YOU STOP THIS VIDEO AT ONCE!!!
MMM: You’re the one who paid me to play it.
(Continue video)
*Tails strings the cupid bow, and shoots Sally in the rear end*
Sally: OUCH!
*Tails ducks just as Sally looks out the window.*
Sally: *Turns back* Hey Rot, did you see where…*Looks at Rotor*
Rotor: What is it Sally?
Sally: Oh, nothing. It’s just that, I never realized how incredibly gorgeous you are. *Walks seductively towards Rotor*
(Interrupt video)
*Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Robotnik, Amy, and Rouge laugh uncontrollably. Sally is nearly beet red with embarrassment, and Rotor had ran off the set as soon as the arrow was shot*
Sonic: Hahahahahahaha! This is great!! *Gasps for breath*
Rouge: *Passes out from laughter*
MMM: *Stops laughing* I guess the tables have turned, eh Sally?
Sally: *Runs off the stage, punches Bob out, and pulls the tape out of the equipment. Then walks back on stage, and smashes tape over MMM’s head*
MMM: Ouch! Just for that, no pay today!!
Sally: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *Runs out of the studio, wildly insane*
MMM: Ok, now what? I guess It’s time to read the next submission. It’s from:
Teary
I don’t like snails or toads or frogs, or creepy things that live under logs but, OOOOHHH, I LOVE ONIONS! Do any of you like onions?
Robotnik: Normally, I don’t like onions, but since there’s a food shortage right now I’d eat anything, including onions!
Everyone else: Yuck! I hate onions!
MMM: And this wraps up this chapter! And now I can start the next chapter! Keep those submissions coming!
Comments Anonymous: so funny good Anonymous: lol Script by Alex |
