Episode 5
MMM: Welcome folks! Things have been going splendidly, and I’m happy to give you chapter 5 of the Sonic Column!
*Fireworks and confetti*
MMM: I’d like to take time to thank the people who’ve made this possible: Eggbellylookalike, Nightingale, Zeldagamer69, and Tigerlily! Much thanks to all of you! You’re wonderful! ^.^ now on to the show!
I do not own Sega, Sonic the hedgehog, or any related characters. If you do not believe this, you are an idiot.
MMM: After several gouging medical bills, I’ve got all the characters back in perfect health and ready for your questions! Here’s the first one from:
Nightingale
Hey SatAM characters, are you going to be in any video games? Or are you for television only? Is Sonic Spinball the closest you'll ever get to video game... famousness? *smacks self* And yes, you were in that game,
don't make me pull out a screenshot!
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
PS: Chaos hasn't been appearing in my submissions lately... oh well! I'll just pretend that he's back in the Master Emerald for now...
Sally: I think that the comic books were good enough. One must not be too greedy after all.
Rotor: Well, I still wish I had a game to show off my inventions in… :P
Sonic: With all the people to talk to, they would have to make the game an RPG to include Sally and the others.
MMM: A Sonic RPG? Cool! I’d play that!
Spyro: Me too!
MMM: Just a moment…Your cameo has expired Spyro! Time to go!
Spyro: *Sighs with relief* OH NO! God forbid! I’ll miss you guys! *Flies out the studio doors muttering “weirdoes”*
Sonic: Something tells me he didn’t like us too much.
Robotnik: NO? YOU THINK?
MMM: Calm down guys! Now on to current events. It may have been a long time, but I’m going to honor the cameo request for Mario! So here he is folks, that red wearing, plunger toting hero we all know and love, MARIO!!
Mario: *Walks on stage while puffing out his chest* Its-a me! Mario! The best-a Nintendo character of-a them all!
Audience: *Scattered clapping, but mostly silent.*
Mario: *Bows head and sits in Spyro’s old chair, also known as the cameo chair.*
MMM: Well, I guess we can now say that Spyro is now unavailable for questioning and Mario is! Next time you send in a submission feel free to ask Mario anything! I look forward to it, and thanks for the cool submission Nightingale! Here’s the next submission from:
Tigerlily
(Audience cheers)
Sonic & Tails: How come you dress up as girls when a bad guy comes?
Knuckles: I know you and Sonic fight alot but, are you friends with him?
Robotdy(Robotnik): Your funny! ^_^
MMM: Have you read the eps. Scipts on the link of Sonic Underground it's very funny.
Mario: Wow...are you french? What is your true size? Small or big?
Sonic: Funny, I don’t remember dressing up as girl at all, but maybe this was in Sonic Underground, not the games. My memory of making sonic Underground is so fuzzy…darn.
Author: *Pops in through plot hole* Darn! I’m still reading the scripts! *Curses under breath and pops out*
Knuckles: There was a little animosity between Sonic and I for a while, but now we’re pals.
Sonic: Right! Chums!
Knuckles: Buddies!
Sonic: BUT NOTHING ELSE!
MMM: Easy Sonic….blood pressure… she didn’t actually say it.
Robotnik: Finally! Someone who appreciates my comedic talent! You, Tigerlily, have great taste! *Eats tub of whale lard*
Mario: Hey! Give me some of-a that! *Grabs lard and eats*
MMM: Well since I’m the alter ego of the author, who has still not read all the episodes, no. But if you will kindly resend the hyperlink to the episode guide I’ll get cracking!
Mario: *Stops eating to answer question* No I’m-a not French! I’m-a Italiano! From Italy! You-a know what I mean! And It all depends on what-a you mean when you ask about-a size. The Mario man is-a big everywhere!
MMM: Stop that! This is an (almost) family site! You’ll lose your pay!
Mario: Eep! I’ll shut up-a then.
MMM: Good submission Tigerlily, just watch out for some questions with more than one meaning…0_0 …anyways here’s the next submission from:
ZeldaGamer69
(More cheering)
Sup peeps! I’m low on time, so I’ll send just a short one for today. Sonic: How many times have you kicked Robotnik’s arse? I’m sure his self esteem must not be too healthy. Amy: You’re really not all that popular are you? You’ve only been in a few games and never on the TV as far as I know. You need more attention! All: Have you met the Zelda characters? That’s all for now, but I’ll be back! ;)
Sonic: Well I know I’ve beaten Robotnik as many times as there are Sonic games, and as many times as there are episodes in the cartoon, soooo…..*Counting on fingers* 123598..123599..123600.. Aw forget it, It’s beyond count!
MMM: You must really have a lot of fingers… 0_0
Sonic: Quiet you!
Amy: Nobody likes me! Everybody hates me! I’m goin’ out back to eat worms. *Notices ZG69 actually encouraging her* Wow! YOU like me! Your ALMOST as good as Sonic! *Runs over and grabs ZG69 in a crushing death hug*
MMM: Uhh, I think your hurting him Amy!
Amy: *sees ZG69 turning blue and lets go* Sorry…*Blushes*
Sonic: I’ve personally never met the Zelda characters, but I’ve played Ocarina of time. It was rad!
Tails: Same here.
Everyone else: What he said!
MMM: Thanks for your submission ZG69! (You don’t mind if I call you that?) Here’s another submission from:
Tigerlily
Shadow: I know you don't like relationships but, if you saw a beautiful girl what would you do?
Robotnik: Thanks, but, sometimes when I see you I laugh so hard I almost fell off the chair. ^_^;
Mario: Do you like Peach or love her?
MMM: I guess since everyone loves sending questions in for Shadow, I’ll let him become a regular character. I just didn’t want him stealing various studio equipment, that’s why he wasn’t in the standard lineup before. Anyways, here he is!
Shadow: Finally! I thought I would never get in here….bwahahahaha!!!
MMM: Answer the question Mr. Dark!
Shadow: Oh yes…another weak minded human who begs to know about the enigma of me…
MMM: Just answer it already!
Shadow: You really want to know what I would do if I met a pretty hedgehog girl?? Ok then…first I would knock her out and then… <CENSORED BY AUTHOR FOR EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT>…That’s what I would do in vivid detail!
*All the characters are jaw dropped by the profoundly twisted story they were forced to hear*
Amy: My innocence is ruined!
Sonic: *Turns green and vomits behind his seat*
Robotnik: *Unaffected, he still stuffs his face with food.*
Rouge: Dude! That’s worse than my fantasies! You’ve got problems man!
MMM: Ok then, this is EXACTLY why I didn’t want him on stage folks! *Faces Shadow* And as for you, you horny baka! Off the stage! Now! No pay either!
Shadow: I’ll be back…mark my words you greedy <CENSORED> <CENSORED> <CENSORED>!!!! *Speeds out*
Robotnik: Hehehe…I must be a comedian! And pretty good too if I can make you laugh without telling a joke!
Mario: *Also unaffected by Shadow’s little story* Well I don’t-a really love-a Peach, but she-a certainly makes a good
MMM: STOP… right there Mario…I think we’ve had enough of this today….*Whispering to Sonic* I think the author is high on pork rinds again…
Sonic: *Nods*
MMM: ANYWAYS…thanks for the cool submissions Tigerlily, but be careful for those questions with more than one answer….*Shudders* Anyways here’s our next submission from:
Nightingale
(Cheers)
Hey guys! I'm back!
Actually, I have a couple of questions for Ro-lard-loving-botnik. I know no one else seems to notice it, but you actually are a very determined guy! You never let anyone stand in your way! That's the kind of attitude I need for my Puuchu army! Have a 100 point badge! *throws a badge that says "100" at Robotnik, which somehow clips onto his shirt* If you don't have any pressing take-over-the-world-plans, would you consider joining my army? They're so cute! *floaty hearts* No one can stop the waves of cute! Mwahahahahaha! *ahem* Also, I heard that once, your mom decided that you were hopeless, so she decided to take over the world herself!
How do you feel about that? Can your mom join my army too, or is she still in the asylum? Or would she just start trouble? Mario, what do you think Luigi thinks about your celebrity status? Has he ever completely lost it? Also, why did you decide to become a plumber? How can you jump through those pipes like that? And finally: What does it feel like to be on stage with a whole bunch of Sega characters? Are you nervous? Bet you are. Bet you're shaking in your little plumber boots right now...
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
A/N: Watch Excel Saga! There are a lot of inside jokes from that in here. ^___________^
Robotnik: *Looks at badge* Yay! Now I’ve got two people who like me! Hahahaha…I guess my brainwashing scheme is working!!! Hahahaha!!!
Sonic: What’s a puuchu????? Is it somehow related to Pikachu???
*Everyone shutters at the mention of the yellow menace*
Robotnik: I miss my mom! Ever since she ate that Cadillac and died, my life has been one big emotional overcompensation!!! *Cries*
Everyone: *Stares at Robotnik 0_0*
Robotnik: *Continues crying without noticing*
Mario: My-a little bro has-a always been-a jealous about-a my fame! He even tried-a to make his own game! Luigi’s Mansion! What a piece of crap-a! And every-one loves a plumber! With-a those shirts that-a leave the butt crack open and the-a disproportional big noses!
MMM: Something there strikes me as wrong….
Mario: I’m-a not afraid of-a these wimpy Sega people! They-a pale in-a comparison to me!
Sonic: Shall we?
Robotnik: Let’s shall!
*Sonic Characters bind and gag Mario to shut him up*
MMM: You know you’re going to have to untie him for the next submission!
Sonic: Let’s enjoy the quiet until then…
MMM: Ok…
*5 seconds later*
MMM: Next submission! Untie him!
Sonic: Aww darn…
MMM: Thanks for that awesome submission Nightingale! I was beginning to wonder where you went…ANYWAYS here’s the next submission from:
Tigerlily
(More cheers)
MMM: Sorry bout for the question for Shadow he is my second favorite character...
Knuckles: Is there anybody that looks like you besides your grandfather?
Robotnik: It's funny when Dingo falls on top of you and when he gets up you are flat as a pancake! ^_^ LOL
Mario: Why is Peach is so important to you if not then why you save her all the time?
MMM: meh….’salright.. I just wanna keep this an (almost) family site, and Shadow stands for all things twisted and evil.
Shadow: *Pokes head in door* Damn straight!
MMM: *Pulls out mallet and hits Shadow on the head with it.* That should take care of him. Anyways, on with the submission!
Knuckles: Well, my mom looks vaguely like me…except she’s a girl… Aw shuckie darn I’m confused!
Robotnik: Yes, that Dingo was the only other being in the world who could exceed my mass and squish me.
Mario: I-a rescue Peach just because she gives-a me a “little something” in-a return if-a you know what I mean!
MMM: My god Mario! Clean up your act man! You know the rules! You know you’ll lose your pay!
Mario: But this Tigerlily girl! She’s-a so naïve! She asks questions with-a seven different meanings!
MMM: Ok, if that’s the way you want it, NO PAY TODAY!!!
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........*Takes breath* OOOOO-a!
MMM: I think he’ll remember to watch his mouth next time. Thanks for the submission Tigerlily! Here’s another one from:
freBellyLookAlike
(Cheers)
Antoine: Who is a bigger chicken, you or old Lard ball? Why are you such a whimpering pile of worm snot? Did your mom dress you funny?
Robotnik: Since the topic seems to be your mother, did you actually have a mother? You aren't just a science experiment gone bad?
Why don't you try cloning humans and animals for your armies, instead of robots? You really should keep up with modern technology.
MMM: Where is Bunny? Why isn't she in the column? If nothing else, you could use her as a bouncer, and keep old Lardass away from the snacks, so the other characters could get some of the chips?
Sonic: Yeah! I was wondering where he went!
Antoine: I will ‘ave you know zat I am very brave and I ‘ave saved the Princess’ live several times! And eef you keep eensulting my moother and I, I wil personally reep your ‘ead offe!
MMM: Normally, I would not tolerate such crazed, foamy mouthed rage, but when it’s mixed with that accent, it’s just funny and entertaining!
Robotnik: I do have a mother! She just ate a Cadillac that didn’t agree with her, and she died! Oh the fuel injecting horror! *Cries*
MMM: Meh, snap out of it! You’ve still got a question left!
Robotnik: *wipes eyes* Right. Well, animals and humans are nice, but the whole free will thing is kinda annoying. And don’t you throw the whole Star Wars Cloning Method thing in my face! I have my own style of dictatorship, and all your new fangled methods aren’t my style!
MMM: Actually, Bunny’s over at the tanning salon. She said it was worth today’s pay to look ‘splendiferous’. And there’s nothing I can do to stop Lardball from pigging out anyways, it’s on the contract!
Robotnik: *Holds up fifty foot long contract* Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!
MMM: Well, that’s that! Thanks for the submission EBLA! Here’s one from:
Nightingale
(Cheers)
Knuckles: Who is your favorite member of the Brotherhood? No fair choosing yourself... if you're in it... Dang, I'm confused...
Sally: Did you ever find out who dyed your hair? Hee hee hee... *recalls newspaper clipping with the title "Princess Dye"*
All: Have you read the Captain Underpants series? What do you think of it? Have you read the Artemis Fowl series? Have you cracked the code yet? I have. I can't write it on the computer, though. Dang. Have you played Evolution Worlds? How do you beat Yurka? *smacks herself for asking a stupid question* >.O
Amy: What happened to your old dress from Sonic CD? Truth be told, it was a lot rufflier than your red one from the Adventure series, but still.
Tails: Can I borrow your Rhythm Badge so I can do those funky break dancing moves too? PLEEEEEEEZZZ?
Hmmm... *looks over submission* I think I've done enough damage here. *turns into a feather and floats away*
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
Knuckles: ????????? I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about!
Author: *Pops in* Same here! And how many times have I said this today? *Pops out*
Sally: I’ll have you know that I’m 100% natural brown! No odd colors! Just normal everyday brown!
MMM: *Tosses anti-dye at Sally, whose hair brownness oozes out, revealing bright pink*
Sally: Ack! No! Not my beautiful brown!
Knuckles: YOU have pink hair???? *Bursts out laughing*
MMM: I KNEW IT!!!!! *Laughing*
All: No Nightingale! We haven’t read Captain Underpants or Artemis Fowl, or Played Evolution Worlds!
Amy: I decided to change my wardrobe. A fashionable girl never wears the same thing for more than one game at a time!
Tails: *Does funky break dancing* Whooo hoooo! Electric Slide! Electric Boogie! FUNKATRON!!!
MMM: *Pokes Tails* uhhh, Tails?
Tails: *Still Twirling* SHAKE IT “M” MAN!!!!!!
MMM: Right…*Snatches badge*
Tails: *Spins out of control and into a wall* Ouchies! *Little anime swirly eyes and birdies around head*
MMM: *Tosses Nightingale the Rhythm Badge* Be sure to bring it back next submission! And thanks for that one! Here’s another one from:
Tigerlily
(Cheers)
Robotnik: How big you are you? I know your not as big as Dingo & Sleet and how big is your lenght.
Knuckles: Which girl you know and love? (not relatives)
Mario: Thanks Mario, you and Yoshi are cute! It's pretty cool that you ride Yoshi on the back even when you're a baby! ^_^
Robotnik: I hope you mean how TALL am I? Shadow or Mario would have said the dirty answer, but not me! I may be a villain, but I’m a CLEAN villain! ^_^
MMM: Right….just answer the question.
Robotnik: I’m four feet 2 inches tall, and seven feet three inches wide!
Author: *Pops in* Thisdoesnotportrayanyactualfactualinformationinvolvingtherealdrrobotnik. *Pops out*
MMM: o.o ….ok…Knuckles, you’re up.
Knuckles: Thanks Bob! Errr, MMM! Well, Romance is very hard because I don’t know any other Echidnas like me, and NO I WOULDN’T DATE A RELATIVE!
MMM: Easy pal.
Mario: I cannot believe-a this-a girl. No matter how-a much you insult her, she just-a smiles and-a laughs! Reminds me of-a Peach actually.
MMM: *Sighs* I need a vacation. Thanks for the submission and everything…yada yada yada, here’s the next one:
Tigerlily
Mario: Do you know Donkey Kong the brown gorilla is he your friend or he kept on throwing burrows over you, and by the way your a funny-cute guy! ~_^
Robotnik: *gives Robotnik the Trophy that said Funniest cartoon guy also with model of Robotnik* you're funny all the way!!!
Sonic: I like the cool guitar you got at Sonic Underground do you still have it?
Kunckes: *hugs him* I'm sorry I don't mean to make you angry! I'm just try'in to be nice! And besides that I want to make you happy! ^_^
Mario: I think-a you mean Barrels???? Well, he-a has tried to kill-a me severeal times, but he’s-a gone straight and has-a turned good over these-a past few years.
Robotnik: Yay! Now to go put this trophy on the wall where I keep all the trophies I’ve given to myself over the years!
Sonic: No I don’t still have the guitar…it was actually a rental.
Knuckles: Well you never know, MMM does do his best to do crazy random things, and it can’t hurt to ask. After all, how CAN Sally be Tails’ aunt???????
*Everybody stares at Sally*
Sally: I honestly don’t know how that happened? *Turns bright red*
MMM: Thanks for the cool submission Tigerlily! I think we’ve uncovered a hidden secret of interspecies love proportions! I’ve got to finish the chapter now, I’ve got some ugly rumors to spread! *Snickers evilly*
Comments Anonymous: ...Lmao at the shadow part. xD That was seriously funny. Script by Alex |
