Episode 1
MMM: Hey everybody! Welcome to the first chapter of, Ask the Zelda Characters! Here are some statistics for ya: Every chapter has ten question submissions. There will be a total of 20 chapters or 200 submissions before I let the Zelda Characters go! Cameos are allowed, but they have a one episode delay. And now, without further to do, here's The disclaimer!
I don't own anything, not even the clothes I wear or the lint in the pockets.
MMM: Now It's time for the show!
*Curtains open, revealing a stage with MMM the host and the Zelda characters.*
Link: Let's just get this over with.
Darunia: I hear that, brother.
MMM: *Opens first letter* And our first, and most appreciated submission is from:
LinkGirl
Zelda, Ruto, Malon, and Nabooru: Do you girls LOVE Link?
Windmill Guy: Is it your nature to be freaky?
~A Major Fan, LinkGirl
Zelda, Ruto, Malon, and Nabooru: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saria: ME TOO!
Windmill guy: Go around! Around and around! *Translation: Duh! Of course! Do I look normal to you? Sheesh!*
MMM: Thank you for the question, LinkGirl. Our Fanfiction.net section ends here. Our next submission comes from:
Orangesoda111
Link where the hell do you fit all of your weapons and inventory?! Does it get a bit drafty on snowy mountains with u not wearing pants and all?
Link: I have this little magic pouch that has an infinite amount of space in it. I can keep anything in it no matter how big or heavy it is! *Pulls out bag the size of a coin purse* Ha ha! *Opens it and pulls out bomb bag* See?
Zelda: What’s this? *Reaches into bag and pulls out pictograph picture of Nabooru nude* What the hell?
Link: Uh oh… *Grabs picture and rips it up*
*Zelda and Nabooru both stand up and stare evilly at link*
Link: Uhhh…MMM, I could really use your protection right about now!
MMM: No prob. *Clears throat* Ladies remember, if you kill anyone involved in the show, you will not be paid!
Zelda and Nabooru: *Scowl and sit back down*
MMM: Ok Link, finish answering the submission questions
Link: Ok. For #2, I hated the mountains. My butt was as numb as a soap sponge after being up there.
MMM: Cool! Our first Gamecolumns submission! Much thanks to Orangesoda111! Our next submission is from:
RobbiBee
Link, when Saria gave you the Ocarina, how did you all of a sudden know how to play it? Link, how do you ignite your bombs? You don't have matches or anything right?
Link: I was born with the ability to play the ocarina! I’m a natural!
Ganondorf: *Laughs sarcastically*
Link: I use a small version of Din’s fire to ignite the fuses of my bombs, although it’s a little risky. If it gets too big, the bomb might explode in my hands!
Ganondorf: I’d like to see that.
Link: Buzz off Ganondork!
Ganondorf: You wanna piece of me?
Link: Bring it on wussy!
MMM: Stop it guys! No severe fighting! The janitor charges extra for blood clean up!
Link: Ha ha ha. *Sits down*
Ganondorf: I’ll get you off stage, green boy!
Link: Anytime!
Mido: *Laughing his head off*
MMM: At this rate, the first chapter even, those two won’t last long. Anyway, thanks for your submission, RobbiBee! Our next submission is from:
Son ofa Gun
Who would win in a battle, Sheik, or LINK???
Please describe the battle, in graphic detail, don’t just
use a previous battle from Super Smash Bros. Melee
Link: If I must… *Pulls out sword*
MMM: Guys, I hope you know that I’ll take out of your salaries any extra charge that the janitor imposes on me for cleaning up bodily remains…
Zelda: I don’t care! *Changes into Sheik* I need to get some exercise! *Pulls out Chain*
Link: *Uses Nayru’s Love and creates shield around himself* I’m not fighting! Hit the shield all you want, it won’t do you any good…
Sheik: *Throws needles at Link, which puncture shield and embed in his side*
Link: OWWW! YOU JERK! *Swipes at Sheik with sword, and misses.*
Malon: Stop it Link! Remember, today’s pay for putting up with Ganondorf down the drain…
Link: *Grumbles and sheathes sword*
Sheik: Come on, I’m just getting started!
*Everyone stares at Sheik*
Sheik: What? I just want to have some fun!
Ruto: *Punches Sheik out*
*Everyone lets out sigh of relief*
MMM: That was a short fight, but a good submission! Thanks to Son ofa gun! Here’s our next submission from:
ZeldaGamer69
Hey Nabooru! You’re the coolest! I always liked the way you fought against Ganondorf even though he was the King. I got a question though, what’s up with those pants? The entire Gerudo town wore those parachute pants, and they’re just so ugly! I think you and your fellow Gerudo should consider a fashion change.
Another question, this one’s for Impa: Isn’t it a little creepy having to sit in the Shadow temple making sure that the Evil doesn’t escape? That was my least favorite temple, and I could barely stand the two hours it took to solve it.
^^^^Keep up the good work!^_^^^^^
Nabooru: Hey thanks for the appreciation! But about the pants, they may not look good, but they’re practical. We use them to hide all sorts of weapons, like swords, daggers, scimitars, etc. That’s why they’re so big.
Impa: Don’t worry about me and the temple. Every time I go in there, I just go to my happy place in the back of my mind! It’s so happy and gleeful there!
*Everybody stares at Impa*
Impa: What? You’d go insane if you didn’t have a way to keep the evil out of your mind!
MMM: Well that wraps up that one! Here’s our next submission from
Nightingale
Hey! This question is for MMM, so it technically could be used in any column... *cough*
MMM, how on EARTH do you get the money to host all of these things?! I mean, seriously, every single "ask the _____ characters" thing has at least six characters, all of whom claim that they are being paid an ungodly sum of money to be on the cast. There are also four "ask" columns (Sonic, StarFox, Pokemon, and Zelda), which adds up to several billion dollars at least. Are you working with Microsoft? *evil glare* Also, how can I cash in?
~Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.~
PS: The one to find where this submission was posted first will be the next cameo appearance! What are YOU waiting for? (Sorry, MMM, but I decided to take matters into my own hands! Bwahahahaha!)
Nightingale
(NOTE: Nightingale's little contest dealy here expired a looooong time ago, so don't bother trying to enter.)
MMM: I’ll have you know the only reason I put this submission here is that Link wanted to see what your submissions are like!
Link: I did?
MMM: Ok ok, I put it here ‘cause this column barely gets anything. Hopefully this will get it some attention. Anyways, the secrets of my financial … *pause* … success … *pause* … are an enigma. A proud few can comprehend its complexity!
*Everyone in unison really slow*: Baaaannnnk loooooaaaannnn! Baaaannnnk loooooaaaannnn!
MMM: Shut up! I’ll have you know that I invested in the stock market and made a fortune! As long as my stock is good, I’m fine!
Man on TV news program on TV backstage: Recent reports indicate MMM-AJ.com stock price has dropped to $.50 a share!
MMM: *Turns white*
TV News again: What’s that? Oh, I’m sorry, that price was $5,000 a share.
MMM: *Turns red* Hahahahahahaha! I just made a profit of over $10,000! Hahahahahahaha! And you thought I borrowed it from a Bank! Oh, and don’t worry about the cameo thing, I’ll just stick it in to our rule machine! *Sticks submission letter into large machine which had fallen out of a plot hole*
Machine: Beep boop boop bop beep. Cameo request has been…accepted! The first person that is not a part of this site that finds where this submission was place will be the cameo! Beep beep beep bop beep.
(THIS CONTEST HAS EXPIRED, REMEMBER?)
MMM: There you have it! Here’s a submission from:
Dale
To all Zelda characters-What is your favorite anime show
MMM: I’ve gotta say my favorite has to be Excel Saga. Its high randomness content suits me perfectly!
Link: Hmmm…. I like Rurouni Kenshin! He’s the only swordsman in the world who’s better than me!
Zelda: This isn’t a show, but I like Nausicaa, it’s a very stimulating sci-fi movie!
Ruto: Sailor Moon! I love how Serena follows her romantic interest without cease, just like me! *Hugs Link*
Link: Please, get off…
Saria: I like Yu-Yu Hakusho. Yuzke is like Link in so many ways! *Hugs Link*
Link: Help me!
Ganondorf: DBZ ALL THE WAY!
Rauru: I do not waste my time watching animated cartoons, let alone Japanese ones.
Darunia: I like Love Hina! What’s not to love about Love Hina?
Impa: I like Hamtaro! I love fluffy cute hamsters! Hamstershamstershamstershamsters!!!!!!
*Everyone backs away from Impa*
Nabooru: I like Rurouni Kenshin as well. It is very funny and exciting.
MMM: There you have it, Dale! Here’s another of yours:
Dale
Link if you have bombs and you get caught on fire why don’t they blow up? Do you have a special lighter or something?
Link: That’s the danger of carrying large quantities of explosives, especially in hot areas. Luckily, my bomb bag is completely fire-proof and heat-proof, otherwise it wouldn’t be safe. And as I said earlier, I use a miniature version of Din’s fire to light the bombs.
Zelda: But wait! What did you use before you obtained the spell of Din’s Fire?
Link: Uhhhhh, well, I used this. *Holds up cigarette lighter with “Kokiri Brand” written on it.*
Saria: Hey! You’re not supposed to show that to Non-Kokiri people! You’ve just given away the secret that we all secretly smoke!
*Everyone stares wide eyed at Saria*
Saria: Heh heh…only one solution here. *Pulls out neuralizer from Men in Black, flashes it* The lighter you just saw was a plastic toy with the label added by link as a joke!
MMM: Ok, uhhh… what was the last submission? Ahh well, let’s read the next one.
Dale
Link, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a flying mask?
Link: Yes, that would be pretty cool, but I don’t think it’s practical, because what if you put it on, and it just flew off your face?? Besides, I have the warp songs anyways!
MMM: Good point, Link! Good submission Dale! Here’s one from our old friend
ZeldaGamer69
Heheheheh, I’m Baaaack! I was trapped by school, but now I’m free to cause mischief! And here are a few questions too. Link: out of ALL of the women you’ve met in your adventures, who do you prefer? Who are you going to marry? To the girls: Please don’t kill Link if he doesn’t choose you. Who would save the world after he died? Windmill Guy: so far only one person has asked you a question. How do you feel about this? Where did you get your strange ‘accent’? Well that’s all for now, c ya next week
Link: I’ve been fearing it ever since I joined these columns…
Girls: *All scoot chairs waaaay up close to Link*
Link: I knew it would happen, and I knew it would cause World War III…
Girls: *Scowl at Link intensely*
Link: I knew that someone would ask me to choose, and now it has happened. I must now prepare myself! *Puts on Mithril armor suit* Ok….here goes…
Girls: *All are 2 inches from Link’s face*
Link: I…..like…………..Malon!!!
Everybody at once: WHAT??????
Link: I like Malon! She’s so sweet, and she’s not a sage! *Awaits pummeling by girls, but it does not come* Wha, wha? Where’s the angry mob?
MMM: *Blows smoke off of barrel of temporal stasis gun* Always keep one of these around when surrounded by jealous women!
Link: Wise man.
Windmill Guy: Around and around and around and around!!!!! *Translation: I’m so overlooked! And this little speech impediment came about from getting my organ stuffed into my head numerous times by annoyed people*
MMM: Well that was interesting! Something tells me that I’d better keep the girls in stasis for awhile to let them cool off. Check our next chapter for more randomness!
Comments King of doom: The female character from all the Zelda series i would choose Nabooru becuase gerudos are hot King of doom: You guys forgot the wind sorcerer Vaati Script by Alex |
