Episode 2
MMM: Well we’re back folks! Now we ring in another newbie! But first here’s the disclaimer.
I don’t own Zelda. If you don’t believe this, you are an idiot.
MMM: Ok! First submission of this episode! It’s from:
Gimpy the Chimpy
Ruto: Did it ever occur to you, that even if Link showed interest to you, it just... wouldn't work? You're a FISH! Side note: I suppose now that he has that funky mask, it *could* work... But there would be an age difference of about 10 years (mask guy = older). Zelda: Are you a cabinet cross-dresser? *coughSHEIKcough* Link: Why do you wear a green mini-skirt? If it isn't a mini-skirt, what the heck is it?
Ruto: ……………….*Frozen*
MMM: Hehehe, the girls are still frozen. Let me unfreeze her. *Presses button on stasis gun, aims at Ruto, and fires*
Ruto: *Lands on Link* YOU DIRTY INSENSITIVE CREEP! HOW DARE YOU CHOOSE THAT FARM GIRL OVER ME?????
Link: *Getting pummeled* Help!
MMM: *Smacks Ruto over the back of her head* You’ve got a question to answer!
Ruto: I do? Ok then. *Reads question* Ohhhh, It’s sooo sad! Link doesn’t like me!!! I’ve been trying so hard to bridge the species gap, but It didn’t work!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
MMM: Enough of that. *Zaps ruto*
Ruto: AAAHHHHH*ZAP*………….
MMM: Get ready Link, I’m going to unfreeze Zelda now…
Link: *gulp!*
Zelda:…………*ZAP*<Censored><Censored><cCensored>!!!!!!!! *Beats on Link*
MMM: *Smacks Zelda* Such language! What would Gimpy’s mom say if she read this??? Anyways, *In an AOL voice* YOU’VE GOT QUESTION!
Zelda: *Lets go of Link’s neck* Ok then, *Reads submission* Well! I only dress as Sheik when my physical being is at stake! I take no pleasure in dressing like a man!
Impa: *Who was not angry at Link and therefore not frozen* I wouldn’t be so sure. I’ve been your attendant for quite some time, and I’ve seen more than one pair of boxers in your wardrobe!
Unfrozen characters: …….0.0……..
Zelda: Please, freeze me again MMM!
MMM: My pleasure! *Zaps Zelda* now Link, answer the last question!
Link: It’s not a mini skirt, it’s an oversized tunic! It’s at least 5 sizes too big, so it hangs down like a skirt
MMM: Good submission Gimpy! This one caused some good randomness! Here’s a submission from:
TigerLily
Link: is it true that every girl with interest in you became a Sage, except Malon sense she has a same age to you?(and the only female same age as you?)
Malon: do you really called Link a Fairy Boy?
Link: If you like Malon then how come sometimes you have to rescue Zelda?
Link: Yes! That’s why I chose Malon! She wouldn’t have to run off at any given moment to do sagey things, and she’s the same age as me! Not to mention she’s so cute!
Malon: *Blushes beet red.* You’re too nice! And yes Fairy Boy is my pet name for him, but don’t you even suggest a second meaning!
Link: Well, rescuing Zelda is the right thing to do! Just because I’ve saved her doesn’t mean I feel anything for her!
MMM: Tsk tsk… *Punches button on remote and studio monitor pops on showing Link and Zelda making out*
Malon: WHY YOU DOUBLE TIMING <censo*ZAP*…..
Link: *Cringing until he sees Malon frozen* You idiot! Look what you did! Now none of the girls like me!
MMM: Hehehe, just doing my job. Now I’m going to do you another “favor”.
Link: *Blinks with confusion* Wha?
MMM: *Presses button on stasis gun and fires at all the girls, who come unfrozen*
*The girls all fall on Link at once in a general melee, beating on him until satisfied*
Link: Well, that took a few years off my life! *Passes out on the floor.*
MMM: *Laughing* That was good! And if you don’t mind, I got a little question for you, Tigerlily. By any chance do you know our submitter Nightingale? Just a thought. Here’s another one:
Tigerlily
To MMM: I do not know Nightengale even though he/she (probably she cause of her name) made the best funniest Submission.
Link: Is it true that when girls become a *sage* you can't fall in love with them?
Link: When Zelda laying on her bed and wakes up how come you two kiss each other? (in the game)
Link: I know this sounds funny but, are you the *ladies* man? *giggles* Sense the ladies like you.
Zelda: How come you're important in the game? How come Link saves you sometimes? How come you didn't use your magic to fend off evil and I think you are beau-ti-ful! ~_^ I think you look beautiful as a doll! ^_^
TigerLily
MMM: Cool. I was just curious, because Nightingale told me she had brought a few friends with her here and I wondered if you were one of them. Anyways, on to the submission! Go and answer!
Link: *Passed out*
MMM: Hehehe, oops. *Revives Link with Phoenix Down*
Link: Who? What? Where? Huh?
MMM: Answer the submission stupid!
Link: Oh yeah. *Reads questions* Yes, once a girl is a sage it makes a relationship impossible. Mainly because they spend their time running off to the Chamber of Sages to do Sagey Stuff.
Saria: Top Secret Sagey Stuff!
Link: Well put. For number 2, I didn’t know how to get Zelda to wake up. She’s such a heavy sleeper, and I couldn’t think of anything else. It resulted in getting a good slapping across the cheek too!
Zelda: Damn straight!
MMM: Watch it Zel!
Link: *Sighs* I WAS a lady’s man, but now they all hate me!
Girls: Damn straight!
MMM: Stop it! Next person to cuss gets a pay cut!
*Strained silence*
Zelda: Well I’m important because I hold a third of the Triforce! The only reason I couldn’t use magic to defend myself was because Ganondorf had a darkness field spell that he cast on me. The only thing I wonder is why he didn’t use it on Link when they fought…
Ganondorf: Hmmmmmm….good question. I guess I’ll use it next time then! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Link: *Slaps face* Oh Zelda Zelda Zelda….
Zelda: Oops…sorry…
MMM: It looks like Link’s lady troubles are ten times worse now. Not to mention Ganondorf…but anyways, here’s the next submission:
Tigerlily
All the pointy ears: Are you an Elf? What kind?
Zelda: Do you wear make-up?
Link: Which weapon would you choose arrow or sword? And you can't say both!
Zelda: Do you have magical attacks?
Malon: What's it like being a farmgirl I know it's hardwork what it felt like?
Link: Yes we’re a type of elf…
Zelda: We’re closely related to the ones from the Lord of the Rings Books.
Link: Not all elves are short you know?
Zelda: Well, only a little make-up, but not very much! Too much will cover up your beauty! That’s a good fashion tip for all you girls! Not too much unless you’re really ugly!
Link: Aww, I hate having to pick favorites!
Zelda: Apparently not for girls though!
Link: Ehehehehe…. I’ll say arrows since they can be powered up with ice, light, or fire.
Zelda: I have some powerful magic! I just couldn’t use it when Ganondorf used his magic field.
Malon: I don’t think that being a farm girl feels any different than being a city girl, aside from the fact that as you get older, your joints hurt from all of the manual labor you had to do when you were young.
MMM: Thanks for the submission Tigerlily! Here’s another one:
Tigerlily
Link: How come you sometimes you're short and sometimes you're grown up?
Ruto: What type of species are you.
The Elves: Do you believe in Fantasy? Sense you're elves...
All: If you have one wish what would it be? (note: for the girls don't wish that Link like you cause I think the girls would have the same answer)
Link: It’s a marvelous thing called time stasis! In Ocarina of Time, when I pulled out the Master Sword, I was too young to be Hero of Time, so I was put in time stasis for seven years. That’s how I got taller. And If I ever needed to be small again, I would put the Master Sword back and go back in time again!
Ruto: I am a Zora. We are half person, half fish. We can breathe air and water! The only downside is if we leave the water for too long we dehydrate and die. Wanna know my secret method? I’m sitting in a kiddie pool right here on stage!
Zelda: Every species has it’s fantasies, like our lore about the three goddesses and the Triforce.
Link: I would wish that I could make all the girls like me again!
Zelda: I would wish that Ganondorf hadn’t killed my father!
Ruto: I wish Link would marry me! I already know he likes me, he’s just shy!
Link: *Scoff*
Malon: I wish I had more money for more cows, or maybe just more cows….
Ganondorf: I wish Link was less powerful than me! Bwahahahaha!!!
Saria: I wish that Link was a Kokiri like me….*Daydreams*
Darunia: I wish I had a rock pie right now!
Rauru: I wish I had any kind of pie right now!
Impa: I wish I was a man!
Everyone else: ….. 0.0 ……
MMM: Good one Tigerlily keep it up! Keep ‘em coming in! Here’s one from our newest submitter:
Brygi63
Link: I don't blame you for choosing Malon. She's nice, beautiful, and a hard worker. She has a mediocre singing voice, but that's OK.
To the girls: WHAT'S YOUR DEAL??? I mean, isn't it possible for Link to have more than one girlfriend?? And just because he chose Malon doesn't mean he doesn't love the rest of you! Besides, most of you are sages, so he couldn't have a relationship with you, anyway! I think you should apologize.
Ganondorf: you're a freak. fffrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaak...
One last thing, Link: you need to get a better set of clothes. A tunic, tights, and a sock for a hat just makes you look gay.
Link: Everybody knows that when it comes to women the singing voice isn’t as important as personality! I stand by my decision!
Malon: Cows cows cows….
Link: *Thinking to self* What have I done??? *End thinking*
Zelda: You know men aren’t the only ones who get jealous! Everybody has fantasies!
Nabooru: You tell him girl!
*Zelda and Nabooru high five*
Ganondorf: This is your opinion, and as per MMM’s request, I will respect it while I’m here. But as soon as today’s work day is over, expect me to knock on your door with a bazooka…
MMM: Tsk tsk, watch the threats pal. *Holds Ganondorf’s paycheck over a shredder*
Ganondorf: It isn’t the money I’m here for, it’s the opportunity to spread the word of evil!
MMM: Ok then, I guess you won’t mind then. *Puts Ganondorf’s Paycheck through the shredder*
Ganondorf: Noooooooooo!!!! I thought for sure that bluff would work!
MMM: That’s me, stonewall ‘Triple M’.
Link: I like these clothes! I’ve been wearing them since I was four! I’m emotionally attached!
MMM: Thanks for the submission Brygi63! But one thing though, please refrain from using the term ‘Gay’. This is an (almost) family site after all. Here’s the next submission from:
Bloody Fool 97
To MMM, I would like to have a cameo of the main Neon Genesis Characters Shinji & Asuka. My question is who would win, giant link or an EVA?
MMM: All right…Cameo has been accepted! We’ll see Shinji and Asuka next chapter!
Link: I probably would not win said fight…think about it, I have a bow and arrows, an EVA has a giant gun and bullets! If there were no projectiles however, I’d kick it’s butt! I’d pull out it’s power plug, then just survive the last five minutes before power-down! Victory!
MMM: Short submission...but it will cause more randomness later on! Thanks for the submission BF97, here’s the next one from:
Brygi63
Hey, Guys! Sorry for the long wait, but I'm finally here! Okay, everyone. I've got a deal for you. It's a Piece of equipment that will solve all your love problems! Let's see, where'd I put it (looks through his bookbag, then his closet, then under his bed...)? Well, I had it, but I'm not sure where it is right now. But I think it was someone from one of the columns. Hold on a sec.
Link: *Whispering to Malon* I think this guy’s got some serious organizational issues.*
Malon: *Nods*
MMM: We’ll be here when you find it…just remember that when you send in a submission, make sure to ask a question or make a point! Here’s the next submission from:
Blue Lucied
To Ganondorf- You are totally awsome. I think you shoulda kicked Link's butt, and I agree with your views on World Domination. I hope you have more luck with future endeavors.
To Saria- You play the ocarina better than Link and you are also very awsome. If there is anyone Link likes, it should be you, because you are very awsome and deserve his attention, although he is a nutcase for not liking you. Do you know why he doesn't like you?
To Impa- What kind of sword thingie do you have? And what Kind of armour do you have?
Ganondorf: *Puffs up* Yes I am quite awesome aren’t I? *Smug smirk*
Link: Please Lucied! You’re inflating his ego like a birthday balloon!
Ganondorf: *Punches Link in the shoulder* Quiet you puny wimp! Next time, I will not go so easy on you!
Link: *Heavy sigh*
Saria: Sadly, Link could not be with me even if he wanted to, as I am a sage, and he is not.
Malon: *Gloating* I’m not a sage! Hahahaha! In your face! All of you! *Blows raspberries at female sages*
*General melee is about to ensue when the frightening sound of a shredder is heard. Female sages see MMM holding their paychecks over the shredder. General melee is halted.*
Link: Ohh man, now Malon’s getting a big head!
Malon: *Continues stream of raspberries*
Female sages: *General growl of rage*
Link: *Shakes head*
Impa: Actually, I normally use karate as my weapon, but if need be I have a specially made Hylian Long Sword. I also use the ancient artifact armor called, “The Ancient Artifact Armor That Reveals Cleavage While At The Same Time Providing Astonishing Protection”, or TAAATRCWATSTPAP.
MMM: One of my personal favorites! Thanks for that awesome submission Lucied! Here’s the last one for the chapter from:
Jet
1.Mistress Impa, why do you have those silver marks
under your eyes? And what exactly is your fighting
style? Cause in your photograph you have a bar behind
your waist and it looks like a short sword. And may I
become your apprentice of sorts?
2. *demurely huggles Link* Would you please marry me?
Pretty please? I think you are the best looking male
game character ever. You don't have to marry me, can I
just have some Adult-Link luvin? Please?!
3. Ganondorf, can you explain your transformation from
Gerudo Warrior physique in OoT to portly/stout in
windwaker? You don't look fat, just so different than
OoT.
4. For all, don't the games feature different Links
and Zeldas? Well, as in theres a different link/zelda
in WW and others, and OoT and MM are the same pair
Thank you so much.
-Your Loyal LoZ goth shiekah chick
Jet
Impa: The white paint stripes are part of an ancient Shiekah spell designed to ward off-
Link: Evil spirits?
Impa: Nooo…
Link: Vicious monsters?
Impa: Nooo…
Link: Vile Demons?
Impa: WILL YOU SHUT UP? Anyway, it’s a spell designed to ward off pranks.
MMM: Say again?
Impa: Pranks! It wards off pranks? Are you deaf?
Link: That would explain why the shaving cream always evaporated off your hand when I attempted the shaving cream in the face trick…
Impa: Hehe..It is only an illusion…the short sheath is really a small stick! I keep my Long sword back at Hyrule Castle. And I might train you, I just need to know what your previous fighting experiences are.
Link: I don’t know about the marrying thing, since I’m kinda hooked up with Malon at the moment, but I wouldn’t turn down the second part…
Malon: *Slaps Link* Horny Baka!
Ganondorf: The shape change you saw is called the Cel-Shading Morph Property. It clearly states that all reasonably proportioned characters will turn into short little weirdoes when converted to Cel-Shading.
MMM: Let the Zelda expert answer #4. Ahem. Well according to Nintendo’s official timeline, there is a new Zelda and a new Link born every lifetime, each one bound by destiny to fight the everlasting threat of Ganondorf, who amazingly lives thousands of years.
Link: *Points at MMM* He’s such a nerd he remembered that off the top of his head from Zelda Websites…
Zelda: *Snickers*
MMM: SILENCE YOU!! I know more about you and your family than you do!
Link: Along with everyone else here…
Zelda: *Stifles back laugh*
MMM: That’s right, I’m a Zelda nerd and PROUD of it. And here’s the end of the chapter anyways, thanks for the submission Jet!
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